


What if

by Thickutou_Assatarou



Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Death, Dream Smp, Fluff, Fun, Gen, Ghost Toby Smith | Tubbo, Ghost TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Ghost Wilbur Soot, Happy, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Murder, Smile, Suicide, Suicide Attempt, Time Travelling Karl Jacobs mention, Tommy is happy, clingyduo, ghost - Freeform, ghostinnit bro, ignore the propaganda with the first tags, im so sorry- i didn't eexpect people to actually read this, l'manburg, totem of undying god Foolish, triggering, vent - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-07
Updated: 2021-02-24
Packaged: 2021-03-10 02:14:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 21,444
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27926581
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thickutou_Assatarou/pseuds/Thickutou_Assatarou
Summary: Spoilers for the Dream SMP! Please, whilst this is only fanfiction, it does include some canonical themes! So, if you don't want spoilers I advise reading this after you've caught up on it all! :))-Tommy sat on the edge of the bridge that crossed over miles of glowing lava, watching as mobs below him walked a top of the scorching liquid with ease. He could feel the heat on his face, even from that high up, it was welcoming, inviting─ almost beckoning him to hop down off of the bridge and swim in the liquid.-Basically an alternative for Dream trying to stop Tommy :) also uH- disclaimer, I suck at writing so this will most likely be ooc but I'm trying
Relationships: Alexis | Quackity & Eret, Alexis | Quackity & Floris | Fundy, Alexis | Quackity & Karl Jacobs, Alexis | Quackity & Sapnap, Alexis | Quackity & Toby Smith | Tubbo, Alexis | Quackity & TommyInnit, Cara | CaptainPuffy & Niki | Nihachu, Clay | Dream & Floris | Fundy, Clay | Dream & GeorgeNotFound & Sapnap (Video Blogging RPF), Clay | Dream & TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Clay | Dream/Floris | Fundy, Dave | Technoblade & TommyInnit, Ranboo & Toby Smith | Tubbo, Toby Smith | Tubbo & TommyInnit, Toby Smith | Tubbo &; TommyInnit, TommyInnit & Phil Watson (Video Blogging RPF), TommyInnit & Sapnap (Video Blogging RPF), Tommyinnit & Toby Smith | Tubbo, Wilbur Soot & TommyInnit, Zak Ahmed & Darryl Noveschosch, Zak Ahmed/Darryl Noveschosch
Comments: 125
Kudos: 1189





	1. Chapter 1

He stood on the bridge, watching in envy as Dream, Sapnap, and Ghostbur disappeared into the portal and left to go to the one play he couldn't go to. The one place that made him feel at home. Hearing their voices and listening as they spoke about how cool the Christmas tree was only hurt more, the disconnect button on his communicator seeming very tempting at that very moment.

"Wow! It's so cool, did you guys make this?" He could hear his, now deceased, brother's voice through the communicator which was followed by an obviously proud Sapnap "Yep! That was all us, we're so cool." 

Tommy scoffed, rolling his eyes as he turned around, facing towards the endless blocks of netherrak and other things. As he stepped forwards onto the bridge, starting his trek back to Logstedshire, his thoughts started to get clouded again so he turned off his communicator to have some peace.

Clouded by things he wishes he could just forget, just like how his brother had forgotten all of the bad things.   
He wanted to do that as well.

He wanted to be able to forget all the bad things, to go back to when everything was normal. When he was happy. Even if no one else would be back then, as long as he could just sit down and _breathe_ he'd be fine.

Tommy thought back on everything that had happened recently, the disks, both his brothers betraying him(one of them dying as a result of it and now haunting him), and Tubbo. Obviously, there were more important things to be worrying about─

No there weren't.

He didn't have anything more important to be thinking about other than his best friend, brothers, and the other two things that held meaning to him on this server. He had given one of his disks to Tubbo, who could've given it to Dream by now, whilst another is in the hands of someone who's probably going to set it on fire.

His brothers─ his brothers were another story. 

He couldn't tell if he hated them or not, they'd both gone against the nation that he'd built alongside one of them. The nation that got stripped away from his hands and then destroyed by his brothers themselves. Tommy didn't know if he'd forgiven Ghostbur, whist he knew his deceased brother had no recollection of what he did and is even trying to make it right without knowing anything─ there was still a part of him that wished he'd just go away and let him do what he needed to do. 

And Tubbo..

Tommy didn't want to think about him.

He hated thinking about Tubbo.

Whenever he thought about Tubbo, even when he tried not to, his mind trailed off to the bridge and what was said-

_"Th- the reason he's doing this is because he knows that- y- he wo-" Tommy began, stuttering on his words as he tried to make up a sentence, to try and say something to his best friend to change his mind. To get him to think rationally, to understand what he was saying. He stepped towards his, now former, president and reached for his arm. A desperate attempt to get a hold of him again and change his mind._

_He watched as Tubbo jerked his arm away from his reach before he could touch him, eyes narrowing as he started to speak "You had one job. You couldn't do one thing for me!" Tubbo spat, tears slowly beginning to build up in his eyes as he continued to speak, lifting his arms up in disbelief "You couldn't do one!"_

_Tommy watched and listened, eyes wide as tears continued to roll down his cheeks._

_TommyInnit never cried._   
_TommyInnit was never afraid._   
_TommyInnit was a strong, fearless warrior._

_So why now was he crying? Why now was everything suddenly getting to him at the worst possible moment, making him look like a pathetic fool._

_"Just one thing─" Tommy flinched at his words, reaching his foot up to take a step back, but he couldn't. His legs were frozen in place and he was immobile. Paralyzed out of fear. "─and it was for your own good!" His face then dropped, lips pursing into a pout as he tried to put on a brave face upon remembering that Dream could see him._

_"So, you know what-" Tubbo continued as he brought up a hand to his face, pinching the bridge of his nose between his pointer finger and thumb "-if the wor- if the roles were─" He then paused, Tommy feeling a shiver go down his spine at his cold glare as he brought his hand away from his face. He continued to watch as Tubbo made quotation marks in the air as he continued speaking "─reversed, as you said.. Yes, yeah- you probably wouldn't exile me─"_

_He took a step forwards, Tommy taking a step back out of fear, each and every one of Tubbo's words and movements hurting him in ways he wished he'd never get hurt again in before. "Because I would've actually listened─" His voice raised, causing Tommy's eyes to widen again as he felt Tubbo's finger press against his chest, harder than he probably intended. But, then again, why would Tubbo care if he hurt Tommy at this point? "─to you, and done what you said," He watched as Tubbo's shoulders dropped, followed by his hand and expression._

_He looked sad. Tommy hated it when Tubbo was sad._

_"and maybe had a couple ounces of respect!" Tommy cringed as he felt Tubbo's gaze raise back up to meet his own, his once soft gaze now a burning hot one, burning through his eye sockets and leaving permanent scars, forever reminding Tommy of his mistake. He forced himself to return Tubbo's gaze, his eyes unwillingly looking up and meeting the older's now cold ones._

_He remembered when he used to run around and laugh with Tubbo, the playful fights they'd have when they'd run away from Dream over the disks. He remembered how those playful games suddenly turned into wars, how now instead of laughing it off he was most likely about to get exiled from the nation he created and the home he had made._

_"You've messed this up for no one but yourself!" Tubbo paused for a moment, not as if he were thinking over his words, but instead to look at Tommy one last time before finally turning his back to the boy "Selfish." Tommy hadn't noticed that everyone else had been quiet around them, he hadn't noticed the uncomfortable silence that had filled the air when Tubbo had started ranting on at him about how much he had fucked up. He hadn't properly registered the tears that had now stained his cheeks._

_He debated on speaking, hating how this would be it, that this would be the end of his time in L'Manburg, so he spoke up. He stepped forwards again, reaching out for Tubbo's arm once more and, finally, taking a hold of it. Once he'd actually taken it into his hand he started speaking, his voice never faltering as he tried to reason with him again._

_Only he didn't sound like he was trying to be reasonable._

_"That's so fucked u- how can you not see that he's fu- that the only thing he wants─" Tommy started, blinking away his tears when he noticed Tubbo not pull his arm away, stupidly letting himself believe that he would turn around and say something like "You're right, Tommy. How could I not see" that he would be able to make things better with his words, that he wouldn't lose his chance at getting his disks._

_"─is the one thing I care about!" He finished, having slight expectations for Tubbo's reaction and what he'd say next._

_"Hmm.." He heard Tubbo hum as he pulled his arm away from Tommy, the bond between the two of them visibly breaking by the second. Tommy stepped back at this, almost lost in shock at what had just happened- was this it?_

_"The one thing you care about.." That was when he saw it. When he heard it. The pain in Tubbo's expression and hurt in his voice. When he was told that he'd fucked up he didn't really believe it, he didn't want to._

_He was TommyInnit, he didn't fuck up and he always found a way out of every situation. He always did._

Tommy rubbed his eyes with the palms of his hands as he thought about it, looking back over at the netherrak in front of him in anger. He could just do it. He could walk through the portal, just get _one more_ glimpse of L'Manburg. Didn't matter if Dream would kill him, he was going to die anyway so why not end it all now whilst we still can instead of waiting for the slow, painful death of nature taking its course.

' _no_ ' He heard a small voice inside of him say, suddenly paying full attention to it as more words were formed. ' _Don't let that green fucking bastard get what he wants, don't let him be the one to kill you._ ' As much as the thought of death filled him with joy at this moment, it was right. All he'd ever done is let that green asshole get what he wanted from him and he was done with that. He was done letting him win.

Whilst being caught up in his thoughts on a certain main that was currently on his way back to make sure he wasn't doing anything he shouldn't be, Tommy didn't look where he was going and missed his footing.

His heart skipped a beat as he felt himself falling, as he felt himself plummet to his death─

or not. 

Strong hands wrapped themselves around his arm, pulling Tommy back up onto his two feet. "You need to be more careful, Tommy" A familiar voice greeted him, taking him out of his trance. He grit his teeth, glaring at the man that stood before him before stepping away from him. "Oh piss off you fucking green bastard-" He snapped at him, rolling his eyes as he turned around and looked out at the lava below them, an idea sparking to mind.

"Woah woah _woah_ , Tommy, chill out dude" Dream said defensively, raising his hands up as a joke whilst watching Tommy look over at the lava a lot longer than he would've liked. 

He flinched as he felt Dream place a hand on his shoulder, turning his head to look at him and feeling himself want to step closer at his words "Don't do that, Tommy" Tommy forced out a chuckle at Dream's words, shaking his head lightly as he looked back out at the lava "Why not?" 

"It's not your time yet." His words were simple, simple words with little to no meaning. 

Tommy sighed, moving his shoulder so that Dream took his hand off of it as he spoke "And what if it _is_ my time, Dream? What then?" When he didn't get a response his lips curled into a sad smile, eyes closing slightly as he felt the beads of sweat slowly dribble down his face. It wasn't a comfortable silence, yet it wasn't uncomfortable either. Just the sound of nearby mobs and the lava crackling beneath them. 

"I really want to." He said randomly, his eyes illuminating a vibrant orange as the glow from the lava hit him. "Why?" He heard Dream ask, a genuine chuckle being heard from him afterward.

"Why? Seriously- why _not_ , Dream? I have lost _everything_ I've ever cared about! Yo- you have taken it all from me, Dream!" He snapped, smile still evident on his face as he kept his eyes locked with the lava beneath him. The lava that was just tempting him to take that final step forwards and end it all. "I'm 16 for fucks sake, man! 16! I'm not going to fucking survive out here! Regardless if someone comes and checks up on me every now and then." Tommy continued to speak with a sigh, his tone filled with pain yet also the slightest hint of joy. 

"There isn't anything left for me here, Dream." He said as a closing sentence, not needing to go into any more detail than he already had because Dream knew. Dream knew exactly why and what he meant. "I see.." Dream muttered, pausing as he tapped his lips with his index finger before speaking "You have Ghostbur, he may not be alive but you've got him. And Bad, that's not too bad, is it?" 

Tommy knew Dream was being genuine, over the time he'd known him, he knew that he wasn't best with his words, but it warmed him inside knowing that he was at least trying to give him a reason to stay─ even if it's just for a minute longer. He shook his head, tilting it upwards to look at the masked man before speaking "You're right..it isn't." He paused, his mouth hung open as he thought over his words(for once) before speaking again 

"But they aren't Tubbo. And..and they aren't what I had." Tommy felt his throat tighten up slightly as he spoke, not bothering to blink away the tears that had started to form at the corners of his eyes as he noticed Dream turn towards him "I understand, Tommy. And─ and I'm sorry." "Sorry for what?" Tommy asked, a grin on his face as he tried to lighten the mood with the question, an answer wasn't needed for it. They both know.

Dream chuckled, not like his normal kettle cackle, but a soft, sad chuckle. "You know what I mean, you idiot." He said with a sniff, Tommy watching as he pulled down his hood and reached for the strap of his mask. "W-wait─ Dream, what are you doing-?" He asked, taken aback by Dream's sudden open-ness

"I've never shown anyone my face, really. Not George, Sapnap- no one. Besides, you're always asking me about what I actually look like, so here you go." He listened as Dream spoke, watching with interest as Dream unclipped and took off his mask, dirty blonde hair strands falling down onto his face. "But.. I think it's about time I show someone and it wouldn't hurt to start with you. So, take it as a final dying wish" Tommy looked at his features, lips parting in surprise at what he looked like. Green eyes, freckles, and a funky-looking scar on his left eyebrow. "Huh" He said simply, grinning when he heard Dream cackle at his response to seeing his face. 

"Huh? What's that supposed to mean, dumbass?" Tommy chuckled at his words, letting himself relax as he continued, sticking his tongue out like the child he is "It means you're even uglier than I thought you'd be." Dream snorted at this, playfully punching Tommy's arm as they both laughed it off. 

Then it was quiet, both boys stood by the edge of the bridge and looked down at the lava below them. "Y'know.." Tommy started, stretching his arms out behind his back with a yawn "As much of a fucking asshole you are─ I- 'm glad I met you, Dream." "Clay." He gave Dream a confused look at the word, not understanding what he meant "Clay? What do you mean by clay there's no-" "It's my name, you idiot" Tommy didn't respond to this, he didn't know how to. Dr- _Clay_ had been more open at this moment with Tommy than he ever had before. It was weird, nice..but weird. 

"I'm glad I met you too, Tommy." 

He pivoted on his foot, turning to face Dream one last time, his gaze lowering to the hand that had been stretched out in front of him. Tommy chuckled, shaking his head as he took Clay's hand in his own before looking back up at his face "Thank you, Clay." "Tha─" Clay started, only to get cut off by Tommy "Oh shit─ wait D-Clay, do y- do you still have that enderchest on you?" Tommy asked before digging into all his pockets to find the thing that Bad had previously given him.

"Yeah, I do- why?" 

"Just place it down, dickhead! Chopchop, I'm o- I'm on a schedule here, big man!" Tommy said with a half-assed laugh, finally finding the thing just as Clay placed down the chest. He opened it and reached in, pulling out all of its contents and laying them out on the floor before looking up at Dream "Here, it's all my stuff. My disks, tools- I- everything."

Clay looked down in shock, his mouth hanging open as he looked down at it all "I- there's no point in me keeping them in there, it- it would be selfish of me to not let anyone else listen to the disks" He said simply, looking up at him with a sad smile as he took all but one disk. "Wait- Clay, please..give this one to Tubbo." Tommy said as he stood up, the red disk in his hands "Tell him- tell him that I love him, Clay. And that- that I don't blame him for what he chose." He stepped away from Clay as he handed him the unfamiliar red disk, the same disk that Bad had given him, and that reminded him of death. Reminded him of the emptiness that he thought he was supposed to feel when it finally arrived.

But now─ 

Now that he was standing at the edge of the bridge, a singular piece of blue that his brother had handed to him the other day in his hands. He forgot to throw it away, but now that he thought about it, the colour blue really was beautiful. 

Tears built up in Tommy's eyes again as he shut them, letting the warm liquid spill down his face and join with the bead of sweat to create bigger drops. He took another step forwards, holding the blue close to his chest as he let himself fall

"I finally understand why."

Dream watched as Tommy disappeared from his sight, disappearing into the lava beneath him. He wiped his eyes, putting the disks into his own ender chest but leaving the one Tommy had asked him to give to Tubbo inside of his inventory. He swallowed the lump in his throat, mining the enderchest before turning around to go back through the nether portal when two familiar faces popped out.

"Oh- hey Dream!" Ghostbur called out as Dream quickly clipped his mask back onto his head and turned towards them. "Heeeyyy, Dreamypoo~" Sapnap joined in with a grin, stepping out of the portal and following Wilbur over to where Dream stood "Hey, what's that face for?" he asked, watching as Ghostbur looked around for his brother.

Sapnap didn't get an answer, but the answer to Ghostbur's next question would answer it for him "Hey Dream, where's Tommy? I got him the picture of the Christmas tree!" Ghostbur said happily, floating over to the two of them with the photo in hand "Look! Sapnap is stood at the top like the star he is! do you- do you think Tommy'll like it?" 

Dream nodded, clearing his throat before speaking "Yeah─ yeah.. I think he'll love it Ghostbur. And, uh─ Tommy has gone away for a little while, okay? So how- how about we go wait for him back at his tent?" He said with a nod, not bothering to wait as he walked back in the direction of the other portal. 

"Huh? Gone where? Oh─ oh yeah! And- and we can hang it up for him in thrent for when he gets back! Like a nice- like a nice welcome home surprise! Yeah, that'll be nice, won't it?" He said with a smile, laughing to himself as he floated above the netherrak blocks beneath the three of them. 

Sapnap nodded, smiling back at Ghostbur as he spoke "Yeah! I bet he'll love that!" 

An hour later both Dream and Sapnap were sat on the beach by Logshire, watching as the waves gently hit the sand before Sapnap spoke up, eyes still glued to the waves in front of him "Did you kill him, Dream?"+

Dream jumped slightly, taken by surprise by Sapnap's casual tone. "Don't act so surprised, Dream! I knew I shouldn't have left you two alone, you fucking asshole he was a chi-" Sapnap continued, rage starting to fill him the more he spoke, only to get cut off by Dream who had turned his gaze back to the sea in front of them. 

"He jumped." He didn't need to look at Sapnap or listen to what he said after that, he already knew what he'd do and say, so he stood up and left. He left Sapnap sat crying on the beach, thinking over the things he had done to Tommy, as he left to go and give Tubbo all of the disks and have to see his reaction to the news. 

Dream didn't deserve to have all of the disks, no one did really. Tommy had earned most of them─ and for what? His life to come to this. The only things remaining of him being a few disks and some armor. He didn't deserve this. He didn't deserve to be exiled from the country he helped build like this, the country he created. He didn't deserve to have the people he loved and cared about torn away from then given back to him, over, and over, and over again. He didn't deserve to have his life played with like the way Dream previously had.

Tommy deserved to be remembered.


	2. How?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dream has to tell Tubbo what happened to Tommy and take responsibility for what he's done to L'Manburg.  
> That's it- that is literally it :))

Once again, I'm not the best at writing so this will probably be p ooc like the last chapter but yolo

─  
  
When Dream was finally far enough away from Sapnap he let his face drop, shoulders slumping as tears began to pool up in his eyes again. He had done this. He was responsible for Tommy's death─ and for what? Over some stupid disks?

No.

They weren't stupid. They were the last things that the SMP had of Tommy, the last few objects that he cared about.

As far as his and Tommy's feud went, no matter what Tommy would do─ Dream knew that he would never kill the child. Not really. It didn't matter how much of a threat he was so his land, he was only a child, and Dream knew that. He also knew that it didn't have to come to this, he knew that Tommy didn't have to be exiled and what Tubbo proposed was the better idea..

..So why? Why did he let things get this bad?

He sighed, lifting his mask up so that he could wipe away the tears that were threatening to spill down his face. He couldn't cry. He didn't deserve to. This was all his doing as he didn't deserve to grieve other people's loss. 

Halfway there, he stopped moving, standing in place as he thought over the thought that just came to mind. Whilst he had all of the disks, he still didn't have  _ all _ of the disks. One was still missing, and he knew where it was. 

Dream nodded to himself as he made sure his mask was clipped on securely before starting to jog towards where the final disk was located, the sound of animals and mobs not reaching his ears as he sped up his pace and started running. Whilst he was running he saw a skeleton in the distance load their bow and aim, part of him wanting to stand still in that moment and watch as the arrow glided through the air and pierced the skin between his eyes. 

_ No. _

He couldn't do that, not with all of Tommy's items on him, not when the stakes were this high. Regardless if this wasn't his last life. These were Tommy's things, things that could carry out his legacy and hopefully give those that knew him things to remember him by. Dream had never been suicidal before, not even when all of his friends had turned their back on him when he first started going hungry for more power. So why now? Why now was the idea of death suddenly warm and inviting?

He didn't know, and honestly, he didn't want to. All he knew was that he had driven a child to suicide, he had taken things too far,  _ again _ , which resulted in a 16-year-old boy to take his own life. A boy who had always tried to see the best in things, enjoy the better things in life, even when the world was crumbling beneath his feet.

Dream shook his head, quickly pulling out his crossbow and drawing an arrow. He aimed for the neck and fired, shooting the skeleton's head clean off and killing it. Once he put the bow back into his inventory he started running again, his breathing getting heavier the further he ran─ but he refused to stop. Not now, not ever.

The conversation with Skeppy and Bad was quick, he didn't have the time to tell them about Tommy because he knew for a fact that it would lead to a conversation or argument, he didn't have the time for. When he left, he started running again, starting to wish he went through the portal near Logstedshire instead of boating across the sea and running the entire way.

When the obsidian walls got into view he slowed down, dread starting to fill his stomach as he started to picture his talk with Tubbo, what he would say and what he would do. The tears that will be shed, words that will be said, and actions he will make. He knew Tubbo would blame him, he didn't need anyone to tell him that or to see Tubbo's face to know it─ after everything he'd done it was just obvious.

He stopped, mere blocks away from the small gap in the obsidian wall that would let him into the country that Tommy's life was basically traded for. The country that he had helped destroy when it wasn't needed. When they could've easily took the pacifist route and made peace sooner.

But he didn't.

Dream took in a deep breath, steadying his breathing with an exhale before taking a step forwards and heading into L'Manburg. His eyes scanned the familiar ground as he walked, ignoring everyone's stares as he took off his armour and and dropped all of his weapons whilst keeping the the red disk, blocks, and purple disk, mellohi, in his hand. 

Once he arrived at Tubbo's he paused, pulling down his hood and unclipping his mask before knocking on the door. He felt his insecurities rise even more on the situation as he waited for Tubbo to open the door, being so caught up in his thoughts that he didn't notice someone creep up behind him.

"Can I help you?" 

The voice startled Dream, making him reach for his sword out of reflex until he saw who it was "Tubbo.." he involuntarily said, eyebrows furrowing slightly as the corners of his mouth curved his lips into a small frown.

"Do- uh.. do I know you?" Tubbo said, scratching the back out of his head and raising his eyebrows as his eyes scanned the familiar man in front of him. The voice sounded somewhat familiar, but he couldn't place his finger on it. Having never seen Dream without his mask before and not being the best at recognizing people from their voices, there wasn't much to expect from him.

"Tubbo-" Dream repeated, speaking clearer this time so that Tubbo could, hopefully, recognize his voice. "-we need to talk." as he spoke he nodded his head down to the disks that he held in his hands, Tubbo's expression dropping as soon as his eyes met with the items. 

"oh"

He looked away from Tubbo, stepping away from him so that he could open up the door to his house, following him inside after Tubbo said he could come in. 

They both sat at his table, the disks now in Tubbo's hands as Dream spoke "He wanted you to have the red one, but it only felt right that you have mellohi as well." He didn't make eye contact with Tubbo as he spoke, waiting for him to say or do something,  _ anything _ , to unsettle his nerves.

"How?"

Dream looked up at Tubbo when he finally spoke, watching as tears built up in the younger's eyes from behind the hair that had loosely fallen in front of them. He waited for him to continue, hating every second that he watched the boy in front of him slowly break down. 

"How did this happen..?" He finally finished, raising his head slightly to look up at Dream, small streams visible on his cheeks from where he was crying, the tears never seeming to stop. Dream lowered his head in shame when Tubbo looked up at him, too ashamed to look him in the eye whilst he said that "He jumped." He cringed when he saw Tubbo still at his words, almost dropping the disks that he now loosely held in his hands. "We were um- in the Nether, he was accompanying Sapnap, Wilbur, and I to- to take a picture of the Christmas tree back at the SMP. When- when I uh- got back to the Nether he was by the edge and─" 

He cut himself off, tears starting to cloud his vision again as he felt his throat tighten and voice crack. "─and he jumped. He left the things in a chest next to him with a sign saying to give them to you.” Dream finished, straightening his posture to look more formal and apologetic as he, yet again, waited for Tubbo to do something. Still refusing to let the tears fall, to grieve for someone else’s loss.

“I killed him..” 

Dream’s eyes widened at his this, being taken by surprise by his choice of words because, if anything, Dream was sure he would’ve blamed him “W-what─?”

“I fucking  _ killed _ him..!” Tubbo repeated as he lifted his head up, raising his gaze to meet Dream’s. “I-I exiled him, Dream!  _ I _ was the one who put him out there─”

_ “That will be best for the nation, the most logical thing to do..” He spoke, straightening his posture as he looked Dream in the eye, or at least where he thought his eyes were behind his mask. _

“─who took  _ everything _ from him, basically leaving him to die!” He snapped at himself, a hand reaching up into his hair and pulling at the strands

_ “Is for Tommy to be..” Tubbo paused, taking in a deep breath as he readied himself to defend his decision against what the other three were bound to say “..exiled.” _

Dream stilled, stumbling over his words as he tried to form a sentence to counter what Tubbo had just said, how could he actually believe it was his fault? None of this would have happened if it weren’t for Dream. “What?! Tubbo, no─ this isn’t your fault! H-how- how could you even  _ think _ that? Surely, if it’s anyone’s fault it’s mine!”

He didn’t know why he was so built up on taking the blame for this, taking the blame for Tommy’s suicide─ but as he sat there, opposite the boy's best friend and maybe even brother, pseubo or not, he couldn’t let him take the blame for it. 

“How is it your fault, Dream?! I could- I could have said no!” Tubbo snapped at him, placing the disks on the table before standing up, almost knocking the chair over as its legs dragging against the wooden floors and creating that nasty scratchy sound.

_ “We just had this discussion!” Fundy snapped at Tubbo, raising his voice higher than it was needed as he stepped forwards, ready to fight for Tommy’s freedom. For L’Manburg. _

_ “No, no okay- it’s awful!” Tubbo responded, narrowing his eyes at Fundy when he spoke up, hands clenched in tight fists to prevent himself from acting on the anger that had slowly started to build up in his stomach. _

_ “What are you doing, Tubbo?!” He tried his best to ignore what Quackity had said and to avoid looking at Tommy, knowing that one look at his expression would break him. As angry as he was, Tommy was still his best friend.  _

“We had a plan, Dream! We- we had a plan..!” He continued, almost breaking down as he spoke.

“A plan..?” He repeated what Tubbo said, curiosity taking the better of himself in the situation. 

_ Tubbo looked to his left, over at L’Manburg before speaking again “War is not best for this nation! Nothing involving any kind of conflict is good for this nation, okay?” He then looked back at the three boys in front of him, eyeing, all but one, up and down with narrowed eyes. He knew he was in the wrong in their eyes, he knew they’d all hate him. But he couldn’t risk it, he couldn’t risk bringing Technoblade of all people, or war, back into his land over the lives of his citizens. _

_ “You’re all thinking emotionally─” He started again, raising his voice “─irrationally! You need to think logically! There’s more than just us four that live here!” “wh-what..?” Tubbo tried to ignore Tommy’s broken voice try and call out to him, try to reason with him- it hurt too much thinking about it, about how he was hurting his friend. _

“Ye-yeah..we had a plan. Stage an exile o-or form another revolution and team with Te-Technoblade to kill you.  _ Permanently. _ ” He finished, wiping his runny nose and watery eyes with the cuff of his green, button up shirt. 

Dream’s face paled, he had heard rumors of this, and back on the wall when they were talking he heard something about Technoblade but just guessed it was to scare him into changing the terms again. He stayed silent, not knowing what else to say.

_ “Tubbo-” Fundy started, quickly being cut off by Quackity “Tubbo..we- we ju- we agreed on this!” He said looking to the floor before looking back up at Tubbo, his arms close to his sides as he too tried to contain himself from bursting out into a fit of anger and frustration “We just had a goddamn conversation, what are you doing?!" Quackity then lowered his eyes to the floor before dragging his gaze back over to L'Manburg and watching as Ghostbur looked up at them before walking past "What are you doing?” _

_ Tubbo stayed silent, waiting for them to finish speaking as he kept his head up high. They would understand, they had to. It didn’t matter how long it would take, they would understand why he did this. “What- whe- you didn’t even tell us beforehand?!” Quackity continued, drowning out the voices of both Fundy and Tommy. _

“So- so yeah, Dream. This  _ is _ my fault, just like Quackity said back on the wall after you and Tommy had left..” He started again, not bothering to dry his face of the tears as he tilted his head to the side, his brown hair falling in front of, and casting a shadow over his face, and almost replicating a look Jschlatt had once given the man. A look that would haunt Dream the rest of his life. A forced smile slowly crept onto Tubbo’s face as he opened his mouth, shuddering as he broke the silence by speaking again

“ _ I’ve seriously fucked up this time, Dream _ .”

_ Tubbo clicked his tongue, scrunching up his nose and shutting his eyes in annoyance before finally breaking. He had had enough. “Hey! Everyone, that’s enough!” Tubbo roared, stepping forwards as to silence the three of them, getting tired of their useless repetition wasting precious time. “Shh! That’s enough, okay?!” Once they were all quiet he cleared his throat, ignoring their angered and shocked expression as he started talking again. _

_ “You have all undermined my authority from the get go.” He continued, his voice still raised but in a more..formal way than before, trying his best to come off as reasonable to the three. Even though he didn’t really care what they had to say at this point, he had made his decision and nothing could change his mind. Nothing. He was doing it for the better of his nation.  _

_ “Okay? No one here had respect in me. You all just- jump on these- these merry little bandwagons of destruction! It’s not─” He stuttered, clenching his jaw shut in annoyance before forcing out his last few words “─it’s not okay! And it’s- you just sp- ugh.. You definitely do not have the best interest for this nation at heart, and you’ve made that more apparent than ever before today!” _

He felt his blood run cold, beads of sweat slowly dripping down his forehead as he felt the words get stolen from his mouth, silencing him. The tone in Tubbo’s voice when he said that, the painfilled look in his eyes, the sorrow and loss that filled them, Dream didn’t think he could unhear it or unsee the oh-so familiar look on his face.

So he stood up, slamming his hands on the table as he spoke “No!” As much as he was scared, as afraid as he was of Tubbo from a simple choice of words and expression- he still wouldn’t stand by this. He wouldn’t stand by and watch as another child destroyed themself because of him and his cruel ways.

Tubbo widened his eyes slightly, flinching at the sudden movement as he watched and listened to Dream “Tubbo, fucking stop this!" Dream yelled, successfully getting his attention and waiting for silence before continuing. "Yes, you had some part to play in this, but it wasn’t entirely your fault and I will  _ not _ stand by and watch as you take all of the blame that I should be taking!” He said with a huff, his green eyes narrowing and eyebrows furrowing as he looked at the smaller. 

“ _ I  _ killed him.  _ I _ took  _ everything _ from him. Day after day, I would- I would  _ push _ him further and further towards the edge, just─ just expecting him to be okay! For- for it to be fine and not.. not _thinking_ over the damn consequences! I didn’t even think twice about how this might have been affecting him!” Tears continued to threaten to spill down Dream’s face, threatening to make him look even more vulnerable in front of Tubbo. After a heavy breath, he let them fall. He let himself break apart in front of him, hiding his emotions and his visible state at that moment wouldn’t do any good─ he needed Tubbo to know that he meant what he was saying. To know that he truly regretted what he did.

“I wasn’t thinking! I wasn’t- I was so caught up in everything, in the thrill of all the power I had, that I forgot what this was and where it started. I let our- our  _ childish _ feud over the disks drag out for far too long and escalate way more than it should have─” Dream paused for a moment, bringing a hand up to his mouth and covering it to muffle the sob that he failed to hold in. Once it was gone, he shakily took away his hand from his mouth, a sad smile rising to his face as he spoke.

“So don’t blame yourself for this, Tubbo. Because- because if anything, his death is just as much my fault as it is yours.”

Tubbo’s eyes dropped at his final words, head hanging low as his shoulders started to bounce slightly, a chain of sobs and cries erupting from his throat like lava from an overflowing volcano. Slight silence filled the room for a moment, only the quiet, soft sounds of Tubbo’s cries being heard until it was broken by his voice. “I-I guess we’re bo-both monsters the-then, h-huh?” He mumbled, bringing up a hand to his face and wipping away some of his never-ending tears, whilst also raising his voice loud enough to hear. He returned Dream’s sad smile with his own, the two boys sympathising over the boy they unknowingly pushed over the edge. The boy that they took away from the world before the world was ready to say goodbye.

_ “I don’t give a FUCK about Spirit, okay? I don’t give a fuck about anything!” Dream’s words echoed in his head at what he said, at every harsh word and action that he had made towards Tommy throughout the entire server.  _

_ “All I care about is your disks, heck- I care about them more than you do!” _

_ “I care about your disks ‘cuz that’s what gives me power over you, and your friends, and over everybody you care about because you care about your disks more than anyone else here.” He hated it, hated thinking back on his harsh words because he wished that he just let Tommy stay, that he just went with their offer instead of driving Tommy to holding the blue crystal close to his chest, letting it suck up all of his sadness as he fell to his death. _

_ “So, if yOU ARE NOT EXILED, from L’Manburg, I will BUILD these walls until they reach the sk- block limit. I will keep EVERYBODY inside, I will hire GUARDS, Punz and Sapnap, to potra- to patrol around the entire wall, keeping them inside. No trade. No one leaves. No armour or they get SLAUGHTERED inside.” _

_ Thinking back on it, he couldn’t understand why he was like this towards Tommy. They started off as friends, having childish feuds over the disks, not understanding what the circular objects symbolised to the both of them until they were too far into the ‘game’. Until it was too late to take back their actions and words. _

_ “Don’t try and THREATEN me. I don’t care, I have lost all care for anything on this server.” That was a lie and he knew it. He cared about George, about Sapnap, Eret, and Karl─ heck, he cared about everyone on that server and their safety. It’s all he wanted, for them to be safe. But, obviously, as he realized how alone he was, it was too late for that. It was too late for a second chance. _

He didn’t bother to disagree with Tubbo at that moment, instead he raised his eyebrows slightly and nodded slowly, tears continuing to stream down his face as his smile threatened to falter. “I-.. it seems that way, doesn’t it, Tubbo?” Dream said with a low sigh, lowering his voice to fit the atmosphere before going to take his leave, his head hung low in shame and regret like it should be. He knew when he wasn’t wanted. 

Then he stopped, eyes widening as an idea spiked to mind. He pivoted on his foot, turning 180º before walking back over to the table and reaching into his inventory, pulling out a familiar ender chest. Dream placed it on the floor before quickly falling onto his knees in front of it and searching for the other disks that Tommy had given him. 13, ward, 11, chirp, and blocks. Once he had them all in his hands he shut the chest, standing up with a huff before looking down at Tubbo from where he stood by the table. “I don’t─ I never deserved to have these in the first place. I think it would be better if you had them, maybe give one to the people that he would’ve wanted to have them. To the people that mattered” 

He watched as tears started to pour out of Tubbo’s eyes faster than before. He watched as Tubbo reached for the disks and took them from Dream’s hand, looking at them in his own with wide, sore eyes. As Tubbo looked at the disks, Dream mined the chest, placing it back into his inventory before taking his leave once again. He stopping in his place by the door, opening his mouth to say his final words- only for him and Tubbo to speak at the same time.

“I’m sorry”

“Thank you”

They both paused, Dream turning to look at Tubbo with a sympathetic smile, the smaller returning it with a nod as they both spoke again, regret permanently staining both of their words and expressions.

“You too”

“Me too”

And with that, Dream left Tubbo’s house and headed to the obsidian walls of L’Manburg. He didn’t put his armour back on, or his mask, genuinely surprised that no one had taken them and that they hadn’t despawned. He placed down a normal chest from his inventory and emptied all but one thing into it. His pickaxe. He didn't put his mask back on because he had no reason to, he had no reason to hide who he was anyone. Even without seeing his face, everyone already _knew_ him. They already knew what a monster he was like, so there was no point in hiding it anymore.

Dream got weird looks as he started to climb the obsidian wall, not stopping until he was at the top. He could hear the faint sound of people speaking below him, asking themselves and each other who he was and if he looked familiar to anyone, it didn’t bother him if he was being honest. He gave a final look at L’Manburg before bringing up his pickaxe and striking down at the wall, watching as pieces of it started to fall apart and crack off as he finally attended to his part of the treaty. 

As he finally put effort into making peace with L’Manburg for good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, if you're reading this, I apologize that you actually read my stoopid writing.  
> Part three is in the makes, I'm not saying what's going to be in it but :)))  
> Anyways yeah thanks for sticking around!! Please leave your thoughts and/or suggestions in the comments please! It means a lot aaa


	3. To Wish

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys so much for all the nice comments and support!! It really means the world aaa you guys are the best!! <3 also ty to SomethingVeirdGuy, my beta reader, for putting up with my nonsense and making this understandable. Kudos to you homie 
> 
> Big man Philza comes swoopin' in. That is all.

Tubbo was sat on the floor by the table, he hadn’t moved since Dream left. He couldn’t bring himself to. He stayed sat on his knees, tears starting to pool onto the floor beneath him as he looked at the disks with longing eyes. “I-I’m sorry, Tommy..” He spoke quietly, sniffing as he shut his eyes.

After a while, he managed to get the strength to stand up and walk across the room. Tubbo looked at the stairs, hesitating before walking up, into the room where he had a jukebox. having placed it there in case he and Tommy ever wanted to listen to music and weren’t able to get to their bench. He took out his personal favourite, the one that he and Tommy would listen to when it mattered.

Mellohi.

Once he put the disk in he sank to the floor, listening as the melancholic music started to play, the sound echoing throughout the room. He leaned his head back, listening to it as old memories were flooding back into his mind.

_ Tommy and Tubbo were sitting at the bench, laughing at some bee joke Tommy had come up with in an attempt to annoy him, when really all it did was make him smile. They fell into a comfortable silence, the smaller resting his head onto the taller’s shoulder as he spoke. “This is nice.” _

_ Tommy gave him a confused look, grunting in slight annoyance at what he said “What? The fuck do you mean by this is nice, Big T?”. Tubbo rolled his eyes, smiling as he huffed “You idiot- I mean- I meant this─” he said as he raised his hand, gesturing it to the land that would soon become L’Manburg. “Do you think it’ll stay like this? With- with this nice feeling I mean.” _

_ He looked up at him, blue eyes meeting green ones, small smiles on both boy’s faces as the younger spoke “I mean- I hope it does. But, knowing this server I doubt it. So.. let’s make a promise instead Tubbo, just the two of us yeah?” Tommy suggested with wide a grin, turning his head to the side as Tubbo sat up properly, wanting to know the promise. _

_ “A promise? Sure! Wh- what’s the promise..?” He asked with a sheepish grin, bringing a hand up to the back of his head and scratching at it as he watched Tommy roll his eyes with a smile plastered on his face. _

_ “Okay so, no matter what happens no- no matter what fucked up shit gets in our way, we’ll stick together, okay?” Tommy said, furrowing his eyebrows with a playful yet serious smirk. Tubbo chuckled, lifting up his fist as he saw Tommy raise his own “Tommy, we don’t need to promise that, you idiot. It’s always going to be Tommy and Tubbo vs. The World-” They both gently knocked their fists together as Tubbo spoke, both of them grinning ear to ear like the children they are.  _

_ “RIGHT?!” Tommy’s voice cut in, the atmosphere and scenery changing. They were on the wall, Tommy was on the floor next to Dream, both Quackity and Fundy standing opposite him on the wall with disappointed looks on their faces. “TO-TOMMY AND TUBBO VS. THE WORLD!” He called out again, fear evident in his voice as he begged his best friend to hear him. _

_ Tears spilled down Tommy’s face as he looked up at the older boy, eyebrows furrowing as his lips quivered. “T-tubbo.. B-but Tubbo, I- we’re friends! We’re best friends!” He heard him call out again, involuntarily glaring down at him in anger as words got forced out of his throat “Goodbye, TommyInnit.” _

Tubbo woke up in a cold sweat, the jukebox still playing as he looked around- he was at his house. He was safe. He gasped, letting out a breath he didn’t know he was holding in as he stood up, making sure he still had all of the disks before reaching to take mellohi from the jukebox─ he hesitated, deciding against doing so and instead to just let it play. 

He walked around his small house, almost jumping out of his skin when a high-pitched voice called out to him out of nowhere “Hello, Tubbo!” 

He jumped, a high pitch scratch leaving his mouth “AAAAH! OH MY GOD-” When he saw who it was, he relaxed, pressing his palm against where his heart was as he tried to slow down his breathing. “-Oh, hey Wilbur! Yo-you scared me!” Tubbo continued with a forced chuckle, looking up at the transparent man with a small smile.

Wilber floated closer to him, smiling brightly as he spoke “Sorry about that, Tubbo! I just- I just wanted to come and see how you are!” He said as he drifted over to the table, hovering over it as if he were sitting down as he continued to speak “I  _ was _ going to go and see how Tommy is but I- I can’t find him anywhere.” He looked at the floor as he spoke, a sad expression crossing over his face before he quickly jumped up and floated over to where Tubbo had his jukebox “Oh- hey! Is that one of Tommy’s disks? I thought Tommy had all of those─”

Tubbo had stopped listening at the first mention of Tommy, he couldn’t bare thinking about his death, let alone talking about it. He was frozen in his place as tears started to build up in his eyes one more, everything crashing down on him again. Just when he’d stopped crying, something had to happen to make him start all over again. Something always had to.

“─did Tommy come and visit and that’s how you got it? Is he finally off of vacation or did you go over and see him- oh, oh Tubbo..” His ears finally registering Ghostbur’s voice as he saw the ghost come back into view, worry written all over his transparent face when he saw the tears that had started to roll down his cheeks again. “Tubbo.. Don’t cry! H-here! Have some- have some blue!” He said as he passed Tubbo the white crystals, the colour changing to blue a lot faster than they should have.

“Oh no, oh no oh no.. Tubbo, did something happen? Why are- why are they blue already?” He wasn’t listening, he could hear him but he wasn’t listening, the ghost’s words were going in and out of his ears. He couldn’t. All he could see was Tommy, Tommy’s face as he turned away from him on the bridge, breaking their promise from when this all first started.

Wilbur’s face lit up slightly as an idea popped to mind, quickly blurting out his thoughts. “I know what to do! I’ll- I’ll go get Phil! Yeah, Phil will know what to do!” Tubbo glanced up at him, trying to understand what he was saying before giving up and looking back at the floor with teary eyes. He hated this, the feeling he got when he thought of Tommy, when he was reminded of what he had done to him.

As soon as Ghostbur left he broke down all over again, falling onto his knees as he listened to the faint melancholic sound of Tommy’s disk playing from his jukebox. Tubbo pulled his knees close to his chest, burying his face into the small gap between his chest and his knees as he continued to cry, mumbling the words to a song that he and Tommy used to sing after Wilbur sang it for them on one of their monthly camping trips.

“W-we were tigh-tight knit-t boy’s..” Tubbo has never been the best at singing in his opinion, others had told him he had a good voice─  _ Tommy _ had told him he had a good voice, but he never believed them. Even so, it wasn’t like he was trying to sing right now. After singing this song so many times with Tommy it had just become a comfort for the boy, using it to help calm himself down when he needed it. 

_ “Come oooon! Just follow me, Tubbo! I’ll keep you safe!” _

He sighed, inhaling deeply as he muttered the next lyrics “Broth-brothers in m-m-more tha-an n-name.” It was weird, how both Tommy and Tubbo used this song to calm each other down. Wilbur had sung it to them one night around a campfire outside of his van, he was crying. He said he hated it because it reminded him of home, yet he also loved it for the same reason. Tubbo never really understood what he meant by that. But now, as he sat on the floor of his house crying as he sang the words to himself, he understood what Wilbur meant. 

_ “Do you think that, maybe, in another life─ that we’re brothers?” _

He sobbed, holding himself tighter whilst more and more tears poured out of his eyes. “Yo-you would-ould k-k-kill fo-or m-me.” These were one of the words that hurt most for him as he saw where he went wrong- as he saw more of where he went wrong with Tommy. Calling him selfish on the wall, whilst it wasn’t one of his biggest mistakes, he couldn’t have been more wrong at that moment- because selfish was one of the things that TommyInnit was not.

_ “GET AWAY FROM MY TUBBO! DON’T YOU FUCKING TOUCH HIM, BITCH!” _

Tubbo always found it funny how Tommy would call him ‘his Tubbo’, most people might have found it objectifying or offensive, but the more Tommy said it the more special it made Tubbo feel. The more it made him feel like he really meant something to the boy. “A-and kn-new t-tha─..” He paused, furrowing his eyebrows together as he thought over the words he was about to say, hating how he never got to. How he never returned the favour. “..that I-I’d d-do the-the sa-ame”

_ “AAH! Tubbo! Tubbo, HELP!” _

He shuddered, his voice slowly growing louder as he started to calm down, even if Tommy’s faint voice was tormenting him in his head. Tubbo swallowed, pausing to try and catch his breath before continuing “A-and it cu-cut me sha-arp..” Tubbo swallowed again as he felt a lump in his throat, having not anticipated how much these next lines would hurt.

_ “Wh-what─ T-Tubbo.. What about the disks?” _

“Whe-when I hear-heard yo-you’d b-be goi-i-ing awa-ay.” He hated how much he was stuttering, it was ruining the effect of the song for him, it wasn’t taking the pain away like it normally did. It was making him feel worse, remembering what had happened.

_ “Tubbo no- no n-no! Don’t─ Tubbo please!” _

Tubbo’s breath hitched, squeezing his eyes shut as the tears continued to spill out his eyes and  _ those _ memories kept flooding through his mind once again, ones that would make him smile now being replaced by the harsh words that they recently said to each other. Words that made him stay up at night thinking over why. “B-b-but ev-everythi-i-ing go-goes a-away.” 

_ “B-but Tubbo- I-I’m your friend!” _

He didn’t hear the sound of his door opening and shutting or the sound of footsteps nearing him as Philza’s worried voice called out for him, growing louder as he neared. But he saw. He saw the worried expression on Phil’s face when Tubbo looked up at him, his cheeks sore and red from crying, body trembling at his quick and painful breaths.

“Oh, Tubbo..” He heard Phil’s hushed voice call out to him, sniffing as he watched the man slowly lower himself onto the floor next to him and folded his wings behind his back. Phil’s eyes met his, hesitation apparent in them as the man spoke “Can- do you want a hug, Tubbo? It’s okay i-” When Tubbo heard what the man had started to say he basically threw himself at him, burying his face into his chest as he felt Philza wrap his arms around him. It felt nice, this new sense of security of having Philza comfort him in such a simple way. 

Tubbo cried, he screamed and he cried, his words being muffled to just louder than a whisper by the chest he had his face pressed against. His tears soaked the fabric of Philza’s robe, causing the fabric to become a darker colour. Throughout the time he was crying he muttered things like “my fault”, “gone”, and “sorry” which caused Ghostbur to leave the room, not wanting to put himself into a situation with such negative emotions.

After a while, Tubbo had calmed down enough to be able to talk, nodding to Philza when he asked him if he was at least slightly better. He sniffed, sitting up slightly yet avoiding eye contact with Philza “Do you─.. Do you think you can tell me what happened, Tubbo? Again, if you’re not comfortable or anything then don’t worry about it-” Philza said in a gentle tone, rubbing circles onto Tubbo’s back with the palm of his hand in an attempt to reassure him, to make him feel okay. 

He stayed silent, taking in a deep breath before looking over at where the jukebox was. Tubbo then looked at the floor, feeling more tears start to roll down his cheeks as he thought about it. “T-tommy..” He didn’t want to think about it, or talk about it, he just wanted to forget and get it over with so he hoped that Philza would understand from his name alone.

Philza looked at the jukebox, a look of confusion crossing over his face as he tried to understand what he meant. ‘ _ Jukebox? I don’t see- _ ’ When he heard Tubbo mutter his name, he understood, the music suddenly becoming familiar to him. It was one of Tommy’s disk, he could’ve sworn that his son had that one stored in his enderchest, so after putting the small pieces together he understood. He understood why Tubbo was crying so much and muttering such things.

His skin paled, eyes widening in shock as he looked back at Tubbo “Is he..what-” He couldn’t manage the words out, a lump forming in his throat as he bit the inside of his cheek. Tubbo nodded, looking up at him with apologetic eyes before getting pulled into another hug by Philza. They both cried, holding onto each other as if it would bring Tommy back, as if maybe,  _ just maybe _ , Tommy would hear their cries and come back to them.

Ghostbur peered back into the room, looking at the both of them with curious eyes before floating over to where they were sat on the floor. He placed down a few of his crystals next to them, watching as each of them turned darker shades of blue. 

They all stayed like that for a while, Ghostbur hovering above the floor as he watched his crystals turn blue whilst Philza and Tubbo cried in the security of each other’s embrace.

Tubbo sniffed, gently pushing himself away from Philza with a sad smile on his face “‘M gonna m-miss him” He choked out, wiping his eye with the back of his hand as he looked up at Philza before turning his head to the side to see Ghostbur sat with his crystals.

Philza nodded, returning Tubbo’s smile with his own as he adjusted his hat “Yeah, me too..”

The rest of their day was similar to that, Philza not wanting to leave Tubbo’s side in fear of something happening to him if they separated. They spoke about anything that popped into mind, fond memories with Tommy, things that won’t be the same anymore, and what they were going to say to everyone. 

Before parting, Tubbo handed Philza two disks from within his inventory, Chirp and Ward. He looked down at the disks in his hand before back up at Philza “I- I think he’d like for you to have these. I know- I know it’s not much but it’s all we have left of him and it- it’s pretty selfish of me to keep them all to myself.” Mellohi still played in the distance, Tubbo being too afraid of turning it off, making out Philza’s silence to be shorter than it actually was. 

He cautiously took the disks from Tubbo’s hand, careful to not drop or lose them somehow, mouth slightly agape in attempt to speak, but nothing came out. “I think he’d want you to have that one─” Philza heard his voice, watching as he pointed at the stripy, red disk he held “─he always said that it sounded old and funky..like you” They both smiled, tears slowly starting to build up in their already sore eyes again. 

There was another silence, shorter than the one before from Tubbo’s voice cutting in, yet again “I think you should give the other to Techno when you go and tell him. I-I know they weren’t o- on the best of terms..but they we- _ are _ brothers. Deep down─ deep down I know Tommy cared about him, even after everything that happened.” Tubbo watched as Philza nodded at what he said before putting the disks into his inventory. 

They shared a final hug, Ghostbur having excused himself a while ago to go down to his sewers, exchanging goodbyes before walking away from each other. Tubbo shut his door, and Philza started his walk to his eldest son’s, Techno’s house. He would’ve taken the portal route and cut through the Nether, but he didn’t think he’d be able to set foot on Logstedshire, the place his son built, without bursting into tears. 

Philza thought over what he’d say to Techno, about how he’d have to tell his eldest son that now both of his brothers were dead. All three of their canon lives wasted away to the cruel world they were born into. He ignored the concerned looks he got from people around him, how they all watched with curiosity and concern as he left the land of L’Manburg with tear-stained and swollen cheeks.

He looked up at the wall, a good portion of it gone with some guy still hacking away at it. As he took a better look at the person on the wall, he still couldn’t place his finger on who he thought it was, but then again he didn’t know many people on this server so he didn’t think too much on it. 

Once he was on the opposite side of the wall he let his mask slip, shoulders dropping as he started to cry again. How many times did he have to do this? How many times did he have to lose his sons? His family? It hurt enough to lose his wife, Kristen, and then he had to be the one that took Wilbur’s last life, but hearing about Tommy─ he wished he had done something sooner. 

Philza wished that he visited him more often from when he first got exiled, that he checked up on him more often and made sure he knew that, no matter what, he loved him. He wished that he didn’t let it get to the point that he was exiled, that maybe if he was there for him more often then Tommy wouldn’t have taken that path in his life─

He wished he had been a better father. 

But as he sees the familiar clouds of smoke in the distance, he realizes that there is no time to dwell on the past and all of the ‘what if’s. That there is no time to think about how he could have done things differently, all he could do right now is look after the son he had, along with anyone else who needs it. To be the father that he should have been a long time ago instead of letting things get this bad.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so- grrr sorry for taking forever with this chapter!! Also thank you for reading, if you get this far then comment idk- your favourite colour e.g: I'm complicated and mine is like- a pastel turquoise but more on the green side but not that nasty pale green :) spice the comment section up I need clout/j
> 
> not but seriously, thank you guys so much for reading this far and all the support!! From here on it's probably going to spiral and get confusing but grr hopefully not :)


	4. Freedom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How Philza is dealing with it all :)

Philza ended up finding himself sitting on the forest floor, a book, enchantments, and other things placed neatly in front of him as he read the scruffy writing on the book. 

Telling Technoblade went better than he expected, they didn’t hug like he did with the others, instead they played the disk that Tubbo had said to give to Techno, a smile rising to both of their faces when the music had started. 

It started of slow, calm, almost reminding him of a clear yet rainy day. Then, it started to speed up, the sound of it shifting to more of an electronic one, upbeat and exciting with an almost dark undertone to keep it mysterious. 

He didn’t expect this disk to have much thought into it when Tubbo handed it to him. But now that he thought about it, both Tommy and Tubbo would spend their days collecting and listening to the disks, so they were bound to get reminded of people when they listened to them.

Techno started crying soon after, chuckling to himself the more the music played on. All Phil could really do was give his son an understanding smile before taking his leave with a nod, understanding what this meant to him and that he’d want his alone time to get his head around things.

Philza hadn’t heard from his son since, not wanting to use his coms to message him in case he was doing something important. So instead, he let himself end up where he was, repeating the same ritual he performed when he lost Wilbur.

This time, he didn’t have the body, no real connection to his son apart from a torn up, and bloody shoe that he just  _ knew _ was his. How it got there he didn’t know. Finding another totem of undying was hard as well, each person only gets one- but he managed.

It was wrong, he knew, to take someone’s totem like this─ but they hadn’t lost any of their three lives yet, they didn’t need the totem. Not right now at least.

He grit his teeth, letting the tears fall as he wrote down words and drew symbols, breaking up and crushing gems into dust.

Once everything was ready, once he had finished and it was all complete, Philza let himself breathe so that he could perform it with a clear mind and get the best results possible.

“Phil, I don’t think you should do that..” A voice called out, causing Philza to almost jump up and attack, not wanting anything to get in the way of having his son back. He had done him wrong and needed to make it right, just like what he had done with Wilbur..or at least tried to. 

His head snapped to the side at the faint voice, eyes narrowed and eyebrows furrowed as he spread his wings out and protected what he was doing. “You- you don’t know a-anything! J-just- go away, gods sake!” 

When they stepped- well, floated into view, he felt his guard drop. Shoulders and wings drooping which caused him to slouch in his place on the floor. “Wil..? Wil what are y-” 

“Hey Dad.” Wilbur cut him off with a smile, floating down onto the floor next to him and placing a hand on his shoulder “I- I know you miss Tommy, Phil.” He hovered above the ground, watching as he slowly folded his wings back, behind his back “I miss him, too!” He continued, floating forwards and turning around so that he hovered opposite his father, the preparation for the ritual in between them.

“But..” Ghostbur hesitated, tapping his chin with his finger whilst thinking over his words “..If he  _ chose _ to do this─ if  _ our Tommy _ chose to do this to himself, then maybe- maybe we should let him have his freedom, Phil.” He smiled softly, nodding then he saw Philza reach for the stolen totem of undying and place it onto the floor next to himself, away from everything else. 

“Whilst- whilst I appreciate you bringing me back, Tommy wanted to- well- die.. He had no place here, so maybe that was- maybe that was what was best for him.” He floated over to him, placing a touchless hand onto his shoulder as he listened to his dad speak 

“I just want my sons to be happy, Wil. I just- I just want to be a good dad for- for all of you..” He sniffed, looking up at the ghost of what once was his son “..but I guess that’s too late now, isn’t it?” 

Ghostbur shook his head “You’ve never been a bad dad, Phil”, a smile still plastered into his transparent face as he spoke “Even so, it’s never too late, Phil. I know that Tommy knows this, and- and I know you know that as well! So- so how about you start by-by giving him this last bit of freedom, yeah?” Phil looked down, a sad smile on his face as he nodded. 

Philza asked Ghostbur about how he knew what happened to Tommy, to which Wilbur just held a crystal close to his chest and watched as the blue pigment started to spread, only muttering the words “I’m not oblivious to everything, Phil.” with a small smile on his face. 

Phil decided it was best he leave him alone after that. 

They walked home in silence; Ghostbur giving Philza his space and Phil letting Ghostbur have some peace.

Once they got back to L’Manburg they parted ways, Philza returning to his home whilst Ghostbur retreated to his small haven in the sewers, immediately opening an untouched book and starting to read it. 

Phil sat on his bed by a window, wings wrapped around himself as he listened to the tune that his jukebox played, reflecting on old memories with a sad smile on his face. He looked out of his window, mildly shocked to still see that unfamiliar person hacking away at the wall. It looked around halfway gone now, either he hadn’t stopped the entire time Philza was gone or he had a friend or two help him.

It didn’t concern him either way, in a few hours he’d be able to look outside of his back window again and see the sunrise as he intended when he built the house.

He shut his eyes, resting up against the head of his bed and giving in to the temptation of sleep, silently praying that he wouldn’t have another nightmare.

The praying was useless, he had another nightmare.   
He always did. 

They always ended the same, falling into a pit of lava as someone dived in after him.

He could never explain it, never wanted to either in fear of reliving it.

Philza jolted up, breathing heavily as tears streamed down his face. He bit the inside of his bottom lip, shutting his eyes as he breathed in and out to try and calm himself, the warmth of the sunlight hitting him from his back window assisting-

warmth from his back window─

He quickly turned around, facing his back window as he looked out at the small view and felt the heat from the sun hit his skin. That alone was enough to boost his mood for the day,

“Maybe it won’t be so bad today, huh?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm reallly sorry this is short and rushed :( I haven't really been feeling like writing lately and some stuff has come up so I'm just vibing with it all. But I've got the plan for the next chapter/s!! :D I've only got 2 more chapters planned after this one and then it should be finished!! Genuinely excited for this oooo tytyytytytyyyyy!!!! to everyone that been reading, giving kudos and commenting bc y'all really make my day aa. anyways yuh- comment your favourite song/s atm I need music recommendations I just keep listening to the same songs over and over lolol (Welcome Home, Son ─ Radical Face, Always Gold ─ Radical Face, Call Them Brothers ─ Regina Spektor, Where's My Love ─ SYML, and like- several others that just break my heart) 
> 
> Ooo wait- on the topic of songs, I actually thought up this song whilst listening to Call Them Brothers, Where's My Love and Always Gold, it's why they're mentioned quite a bit in this :))


	5. Pigstep

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Basically, a time-skip and its summary :) this is kind of rushed because uH- 0 motivation but yolo guys, we push through and edit later, yano? ALSO SECOND TO LAST CHAPTER AAA THANK YOU GUYS SO MUCH FOR YOUR SUPPORT!! :D
> 
> Happy birthday, Tommy :)

Tubbo closes his eyes, a smile on his face as he listens to the people around him talk about whatever pops into their minds. He feels the warm glow of the sun on his face as he let himself relax; this year was different, he could tell. 

He thinks over the last few years, his smile dropping slightly as good and old memories flood his mind.

 _“Who’s that on the wall?”_ Tubbo hears the voices echo through his mind once more, involuntarily reminiscing on what happened after Philza had left with his disks.

 _“They look familiar, I just can’t-”_ _  
_ _“Isn’t that Dream’s hoodie on the floor with his stuff? Wait- his mask is there too!”_ _  
_ _“Do you think they killed him or something? Does that mean that To-”_

 _“No, that is Dream.”_ Tubbo hadn’t heard the rest of the conversation after that, his mind instantly jumping to the words of his vice president at the time. Words that haunted him for the longest time and, even now, he struggles to not think about.

 _“What the fuck?! Tommy’s dead? Tommy- he- no.. NO! Tubbo, you-!”_ Please stop _  
_ _“YOU did this! If you had ju- if you- for fuck sake, Tubbo!”_ I know I know- I already know this please-  
_“You just had to fucking go against the damn fucking plan, Tubbo! You just had to fucking be like Jschlatt!”_ I’m not like him, I promise- please just stop _  
_ _“You fucking exiled and got him killed, Tubbo! Wh- fucking say something! Why are you just standing there?!”_

_Tubbo reached into his inventory, taking out the white disk that he was going to surprise Tommy with before everything went south. They had both planned to go on an adventure to get it, but obviously, that never happened. “Here, I th-think he would have wha- wanted you t-to have this one, Quackity. I-I’m sorry for my mistake and─ and you’re right. It’s my fault, so please, stop reminding me and instead just- just let me make things as right as I can.”_

_“You- you can’t just-!”_

_“I know, I can’t avoid what I did or pretend it didn’t happen- I know that- that I have made a lot of wrongs, a-and it only makes sense to make up for them in-in any way I can. I chose what was best for my nation and for my people, ignoring that Tommy i- was part of those people. So please, just- just let me try, Quackity.”_

_There was a brief silence, tears ran down both of their cheeks whilst Quackity took off his badge “I don’t want to be vice president for another Jschlatt, Tubbo.”_

_“And I don’t want to run the country like another Jschlatt”_

_“Goodbye, Tubbo.”_

_Tubbo nodded his head, a sad smile on his face “Quackity.”_

A hand reaches out to his face, its touch lingering over the scars that cover a good portion of it. The touch isn’t cold, or unsettling- it’s welcoming and its warmth rivaled that of the sun’s, replacing its heat with its own. It feels familiar, as if he’s been missing, _craving_ , this touch after losing it.

_Tubbo looked in the mirror whilst tracing his fingertips over the scars that covered his face. He hated them._

_“Heeyyy, Big T! Wh─ you alright?” A voice called out from behind him, followed by a tall, and slightly slender, figure walking into the room._

_At recognizing the voice, he turned around, a small frown on his face from trying to hold back his tears “Yeah- no. No, I’m not, Tommy-! I’ve fucking got these-.. th-these ugly damn scars on my face, half the land of the damn nation that I just got presidency of is fucking blown up a-and I don’t- I don’t know- I just- I don’t even know how to be a president I-”_

_“Woah woah woah, Big T- fuckin’ slow down a sec. Jesus christ, felt like I was listening to another of Big D’s damn lectures-” Tommy interrupted, hands placed on and firmly holding Tubbo’s shoulders. Tubbo listened, eyes wide and teary._

_“Okay, first off-” He let go of the shorter’s shoulders whilst taking a step back and shrugging his own, giving him space “-L’Manburg has always been a shithole so there’s not much of a difference there, Tubbo. Now it’s just your fuckin’ mess”_

_Tubbo sighed with a nod, shoulders drooping whilst he listened to his best friend go on and on like he always did._

_“Second o- secondly? Ah, who gives a shit, anyways, just fuckin’ be yourself, man! Fuckin’- fuckin’- spice shit up with your uh- Tubboness? Yeah, yeeeaah! Whilst you weren’t exactly my choice of a president, you might as well use the fact that everyone loves you to your advantage!” This caught Tubbo’s attention, his eyes meeting Tommy’s whilst the boy grinned and continued on with his nonsense_

_“Thu- lastly? Lastly- you can fucking shut up about your scars being ugly, dude they- Tubbo, your scars are so fucking- fuckin' cool and badass! I’m jealous. Yeah, you may not have gotten them in the best way- but look at them-”_

_He hadn’t been paying attention to Tommy, mainly listening to his words as he went on and not taking them into much consideration- but that was until he felt the warmth of his hand caressing his jaw and cheek where his scars sat; carefully tracing his fingers over the scarred tissue as if it would break if he were to apply too much pressure._

_“They’re fuckin’ awesome, Big T!”_

_Tubbo’s eyes widened, heat rising to his cheeks whilst he listened to Tommy and carefully watched his hands. It wasn’t that this was an uncommon thing for the boy to do, he’s never had a sense of personal space and was always all up in Tubbo’s face, it was the way he had carefully traced over the marks and spoke with such sincerity that gave him a different perspective._

Tubbo opens his eyes, jolting upright as he scanned the area around him. He brings a hand up to touch his face where he swore he felt _someone’s_ touch, shoulders dropping in disappointment when he realized there was no one there. “Uh- Tubbo, are you alright? You look like you’ve seen a ghost” He snaps his head to the side at the words, eyes widening once more in hope that it was him “what-” only for his eyes to be met with the sight of the four people he’s grown closer to over the past 3 years.

Ghostbur laughs, covering his mouth with one of his hands in an attempt to muffle the giggles “D-do you get it? Like you’ve seen a g-ghost! Pfft-” Clay wheezes whilst Philza and Technoblade exchange concerned looks “a-and I’m a ghost! Isn’t it funny? Clay you’re so funny” he continues, earning a small laugh from Tubbo as decides to pay attention to what they're talking about, abandoning the familiar touch he swore he felt.

“Sorry, I must’ve- I must have spaced out for a second there guys”

Tubbo was now 20, turning 21 in December. He got elected as president a second time and is now vice president for their current president, Ranboo. A lot had happened since then, a lot of them being good whilst the rest not so, but that wasn’t too important.

“Ah, don’t sweat it Tubbo”

Both Technoblade and Philza had rebuilt the Antarctic Empire, frequent trades happening between it and L’Manburg and El Rápids and The DreamSMP despite everything that had happened.

Eret stayed on the throne of The DreamSMP, having chosen the pacifist route instead of war after losing one of his canon lives to an assassination. They had said that _“There is no point in going to war if we do not know who it was, that will just create a loop of pointing fingers and throwing blame and destruction that this nation does not need.”_

But, Eret knew who her killer was, she always had.

_“Took you long enough,” Eret said, standing up from where they were previously sitting at their desk. He looked over at the man that stood by his window, somehow having managed to break into it without breaking a single pane of glass._

_“Well, don’t stand there looking so surprised, Quackity. Rumor has it that you were going around and avenging Tommy.” She walked around her bed, her strides short and quick as her footsteps echoed the room. A smirk was present on their face whilst they adjusted the sunglasses that rest on the bridge of their nose. “We both knew this was coming, so you might as well get it on with before Punz comes from his patrol around the castle.”_

_He stopped a foot in front of Quackity, standing tall and proud in front of him._

_Quackity took out his hoe, the edge of it sharpened to a blade for this very moment. He brought his arm out to the side, giving Eret’s smug face a final glance before bringing the weapon into the side of their head with as much force he could, a sickening crack following after the action as it broke through their skull and pierced into their brain._

_Eret’s body fell to the wooden floor of her room when Quackity removed the hoe, a thud bouncing off of the walls whilst blood spilled onto the ground around her._

Fundy had grown closer to both his parents, learning to forgive and accept Ghostbur whilst also spending the time he could with his adopted parent, Eret. To his, and most people’s, surprise, he has been happily married to Clay for the past year. It was difficult for the two at first, the conflict between people trying to make Fundy choose between Clay and L’Manburg “ _Dream or us, we can’t- none of us want to see you with the man that took everything away from us_ ”, it got to the point where Fundy had considered calling off the wedding- but he didn’t. Of course, Fundy was hurt by what Clay did, but after some time and effort, Fundy learned to forgive him, as he did with the ghost of his father, and they moved on together.

Whenever Clay used to get asked about what attracted him to Fundy, he would respond with a simple “I liked the attention”- when in actuality, it was a lot more than some simple attention that made him see Fundy in a different light, the fox _was_ the only person who stuck by his side throughout it all. He hung around Fundy a lot, stopping by L’Manburg just to say “Hi” or to steal a quick kiss and admire the star-struck expression he always wore afterward. Clay also completed tasks given to him by the L’Manburgian’s every now and then, slowly gaining their forgiveness and making up for what he had done. 

Clay had dropped the alias ‘Dream’ the moment he realized what it truly meant, the moment he realized just how many people that he once cared about now hated him- hated the persona that was now ‘Dream’. He would ignore when people called him ‘Dream’, only responding to his name, to Clay. Fundy and Bad were the quickest to catch on, followed by Tubbo, Techno, and Philza. Ranboo would’ve caught on sooner if he hadn’t been for his memory and misplacing his book, Clay had the patience and understood. 

Others weren’t so keen on the change and were determined to make him hurt like he did them, which he was okay with. There were those who sought revenge and others who were to be avenged, Clay understood and so he took it. Every harsh word, every cut, bruise, burn- one of them even took one of his lives. He never retaliated, insisting on letting them do what they must to let out their anger and to become as equal as he could with them. 

It lasted 8 months, a lot shorter than he first thought it would. He was sure that it would drag out several years, the amount of damage that he caused this nation it had to─ but it didn’t. Those who did seek revenge at him were quick to act, getting it over with soon. And those who simply couldn’t forgive him slowly grew to change how they saw him, instead of seeing him as ‘Dream, ruler of the SMP’, they saw him as Clay, Fundy’s Fiancé and ‘The guy that comes and helps out around L’Manburg’.

Ranboo’s and Fundy’s ice cream shop had soon become a success, the two of them soon developing their small parlor into a much bigger ice cream diner where even people outside of L'Manburg would come to enjoy themselves. Ranboo was elected in the recent election and, as hard as being president may be with his memory, was doing an excellent job, and having Tubbo as his VP was more than helpful. Tubbo always gave him tips and tricks on how to get around certain situations and the obvious ‘ do’s and don'ts ‘. 

He now has around 70 books filled page to page with what happened each day, there were times when someone would come and change it up so that he would think something did or didn’t happen, getting a laugh out of quite a few people after the time when he ran into the town square and stared at the sky for a good hour when he read that “Alien invasion scheduled at 20:00” was in his most recent book.

The Dream team disbanded a long time ago, Sapnap and George now official members(and co-founders) of El Rápids with Karl and Quackity. The Badlands still stayed neutral, Skeppy and Bad having their 'old married couple' squabbles every now and then- but nothing too serious. Always things like leaving out the milk and who was on vacuum duty or what to do if another war broke loose, nothing major.

Everything all together led them to today, to right now. 

To Tubbo being sat with his friends, and people he considered family, on the 9th of April like they’ve done every year since then, laughing and talking about the memories they have with Tommy.

Tubbo laughs as he listens to Philza’s story, it being about the time Tommy almost got hypothermia after burying himself beneath snow in the most competitive game of hide and seek he’d ever seen. The image of Tommy’s signature grin after winning turning into a pout after having to spend the rest of the day bundled up in blankets by a fire bringing a smile to his face.

The day continued as so, everyone slowly leaving one by one until it was just Tubbo sitting on the bench. Alone. It always ended like this.

He sighs, looking over at the gravestone surrounded by gifts that had been piling up over time as he hesitantly took out the oddly coloured disk from within his inventory. He pays no attention to the air as it warms up around him, the warmth almost trying to pull him away as he stands up and walks over to the gravestone. Crouching down he sighs again, a sad smile on his face as he places the disk next to the one he got back for him last year, the warm air still wrapping around him.

“Here you go, buddy. Finally, you have the most powerful weapon on the server.” Tubbo stood up with a small smile on his face, not registering the heavy footsteps that were growing closer, eyes focused onto the disk he just placed down “Copyright claim." He continued with a snicker, the conversations he's had with Tommy about this disk flooding his mind all at once, his smile widening at the fondness "Happy birthday, To─”

The warm air stilled, loosening its grip around Tubbo when it felt his body fall backward, just avoiding tumbling off of the edge.

"Happy birthday, Tommy." A voice calls out from where Tubbo previously stood, the sound of a crossbow being loaded following soon after.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry this took so long! With Christmas and everything I've been all over the place- thank you to those who have been patient with me though!! I really appreciate it! :D Anyways yolo thanks for reading this far, comment any feedback/your thoughts- reading your comments are really fun and make my day lolol 
> 
> also whilst I'm at it, you should go and read my other work 'I Did It' if you've been enjoying this so far(even if you haven't, gimmie clout pls) and follow my IG @Jshlahggg where i post my trashy art B) sorry I've been dying to do a sellout LOLOL. if you're still reading this then comment your favourite youtuber and how you found their channel lolol, i need new yt recommendations :P
> 
> It might take me a while to bring out the next chapter :( It's the last one and I'm vv emotional about it, also I think?? it's going to be a long chapter because of what I have planned for it, so yolo please have patience. But it will 100% be before February :)


	6. Tommy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He remembers everything. Every laugh and every smile, every pat on the back, and every hug. He remembers every side-eyed glare and every harsh word, every stab in the back, and every betrayal. Every good memory and every bad memory, whether the memories start off as happy memories that eventually bring him pain or sad memories that will develop into happy ones─
> 
> Tommy remembers it all.
> 
> \----
> 
> Tommy chapter :)  
> TW for (slight) gore, description of violence, murder, mention of suicide and─ yeah

He doesn’t know why he’s here.

He had done it, he had stepped off of the ledge and ended it all─ so why? Why was he still here, stood on the same bridge he stepped off of with blue held close to his chest and a smile plastered on his face.

If he was like Ghostbur then maybe,  _ maybe _ he wouldn’t be too bothered about it─   
But he isn’t. 

He remembers everything. Every laugh and every smile, every pat on the back, and every hug. He remembers every side-eyed glare and every harsh word, every stab in the back, and every betrayal. Every good memory and every bad memory, whether the memories start off as happy memories that eventually bring him pain or sad memories that will develop into happy ones─

_ Tommy remembers it all. _

He wishes he doesn’t, he wishes he can just  _ forget _ and be like Ghostbur, only remembering the good things- but he isn’t like Ghostbur. How ironic is that? He can’t even die properly. 

Tommy groans, pacing around in a circle as he lets out a frustrating yell “FOR FUCK SAKE!” He grits his teeth, falling to his knees as luminescent orange tears cloud his vision and fall onto the floor beneath him and create a small, orange, and yellow puddle. 

He doesn’t question it, he doesn’t even notice the orange tint to the world around him. All he knows is that he  _ died _ but he’s still here. That he  _ doesn’t feel _ but he’s still in pain. 

He punches the netherrack he was sitting on, yelling again when he feels nothing, just the continuous ‘ache’ in his chest from  _ failing.  _ From the fear of people’s reactions when they see him. From-

He falls silent, cutting off his yelling when he hears the familiar sound of someone leaving the portal behind him, their hurrying footsteps echoing throughout the nether. Tommy turns his head to the side, eyes widening in fear as he recognizes who’s running onto the bridge from within the makeshift netherrack shelter “TOMMY!”

He shrinks, guilt taking over him as more orange tears stream down his cheeks. “I- Sa- Sapn- I’m-.. so-” He tries to speak, the words managing to get caught in his throat every time. He hates it. He hates it  _ so much _ . The look on his face, the fear, the anger, the pain- so many at once he can barely understand them. 

Sapnap continues yelling, only stopping to look over the edge and dig the palms of his hands into his eyes, the red glow of the lava being too much for him. He starts pacing back and forth with a frustrated yell “COME OOOOON- PLEASE, T-TOMMY?!” He calls out again, the desperate tone of his voice making Tommy flinch.

He forces himself up, wobbling slightly as he steps closer to Sapnap “Sap- Sapnap I- I’m-” The other continued to yell, Tommy now seeing the tears that were running down his cheeks as he struggles to stay on his two feet “..Sapnap..?” His voice falls quiet, realization hitting him.

As Sapnap continues crying out for Tommy, yelling his name in hopes that Dream’s wrong and he didn’t do it, Tommy’s panicking. He waves his hand in front of his face, yells his name, and screams “SAPNAP PL-PLEASE-!” He clenches his jaw, silencing himself as he grits his teeth and brings his hands up.

He shoves Sapnap. 

Tommy’s eyes widen as he falls to the floor, his transparent body slipping right through him “Wh-what..?! N-no..!” He mutters to himself, shaking his head in disbelief as he pushes himself off of the floor to try again “Come on!” He yells,  _ begging  _ to get a response out of him.

But he doesn’t. Even when Sapnap is just sitting by the edge, legs dangling over as he looks into the lava, Tommy tries but he still doesn’t get a response. 

He cries, the luminescent tears rolling down his cheeks like they have been the past while. “Sap- Sapnap I- ple-” Tommy cut himself off, eyes widening as he listens and watches as Sapnap speaks.

“I- I know you can’t hea-hear me right now..” Sapnap starts. Usually, Tommy would scoff at this and call him an idiot because he  _ can _ hear him, but in this case- he doesn’t. In this case, Tommy sits next to Sapnap, keeping his knees close to his chest as he listens intently as broken words leave his mouth.

“..but Tommy I- I’m so-.. Dude, I’m sorry. I didn’t- if I had- jus- fuck..” He cuts himself off, tears starting to well up in his eyes again. “If I had j-just fucking  _ known _ ! If I-I-I had just st-stopped and- and  _ maybe _ f-fucking thou- _ thought _ , u-used my brain f-for on- _ once _ then-!” Sapnap cuts himself off again with a sob, holding his head in his hands as he continues to cry, leaving Tommy completely frozen in shock.

“You can’t-” Tommy pauses mid-sentence, licking his lips as he swallows a lump in his throat “-you can’t..hear me? Fuckin’ gre─” He cuts himself off as he notices Sapnap’s head perk up and eyes grow wide as if he had just heard him “Wait a fucking sec did you just fuckin’ hear me? Sapnap can you-”

“Sapnap?” 

Tommy stills when he hears the voice, sharply inhaling as he feels tears prick at his eyes. “They can’t see me” He mutters to himself, eyes wide in shock and disbelief as he laughs to himself “Th-they can’t- HAH! I’m- I’m dead! I-I-I’m a ghost!” He covers his mouth with his hand, muffling his laughs as tears pour out from the corners of his eyes. 

His laughs soon die down into sobs, voice catching on itself and hiccupping as George walks through him and sits next to Sapnap. 

He doesn’t want this. Never in a million years would he want this, to be stuck in a world where all he can do is watch and listen, where he’s dead but not really. There are two options he would have liked: To be like Wilbur or to die. Permanently. For his suffering to be over and the warmth of the lava to cut him off from everyone and keep him safe and warm, away from any more harm. 

But obviously, with his luck, that doesn’t happen. Nothing ever goes the way he wants it to, not even his dying wish.

A thought strikes his mind, making him pause in unnecessary breathing ‘ _ Can I even go through the portal? Surely- Surely I can.. I-I mean, if fuckin’ Ghostbur can then-then s-so can I! _ ’ He tries to not let his growing fear get the best of him as he stands up, his fear of being stuck in the nether for all eternity, slowly being past insanity by the looping sounds of hostile mobs wallowing and the hum of the lava he had thrown himself into in the first place.

Tommy’s walk back to the portal takes longer than he wishes, the sound of George and Sapnap’s talking growing quieter as the whirring sound from the portal grows louder. He pauses, eyes locking with the portal as he stands a footstep away from it. 

He wants to take that final step.   
He wants to step through that portal.   
He wants to see everyone again, even if they couldn’t see him.   
He doesn’t want to be alone.   
He knows it will hurt if he can see everyone, it’s not like he wants to see them anyways.   
They don’t need him and he doesn’t need them, he can stay here in the Nether.   
He doesn’t-   
He-

Two weeks.   
It takes Tommy two weeks before he’s able to bring himself to walk through the portal.

He doesn’t know why he hasn’t stepped through yet, why he hasn’t just taken that step to cross back over to the overworld. It’s not like he’ll be seeing them suffering when he crosses over, he knows that they’ve been striving without him. The weeks on end without anyone passing through, surely that means that they’ve been so busy with building the country they forgot.

Right?

Regardless of that being true or not, Tommy decides to quickly step through the portal before he can give himself a reason to wait another painful week. He doesn’t feel the nauseous feeling that would usually wash over him when he steps through the portal, the way his stomach would force anything he previously ate back up his throat. 

He can’t tell if he misses it or not- feeling, that is.

Before he knows it he’s back in L’Manberg, feet hovering above- hovering?   
He looks down at the ground, not surprised to see his feet hovering a few inches above it. He shrugs, deciding to just go with it as he floats towards the stairs that lead him to the community house; that leads him to L’Manberg.

Not much has changed, he decides, looking around with curious yet bored eyes. It’s all still the same, apart from a few things here and there. Worn down propaganda posters with his older brother’s face on it are plastered everywhere, graffiti covering some of them. He snickers to himself with a slight shake of his head “I almost forgot about that”

He floats along the prime path, a confused expression falling onto his face as he notices how quiet it is. And then it passes. Instead, his eyes water up at the scene before him and he drags himself closer. 

Tommy isn’t sad or hurt, or anything really.    
He can’t feel.    
He hasn’t been able to since before he woke up; he  _ is _ a ghost after all.    
Orange tears gently flow down his cheeks.

A polished headstone sits at the head of a cliff, a bench to the right of it that’s all too familiar. There are people sitting on the bench, others sitting on the damp grass, the rest standing to the side. They all look so sad. Why?

Tommy floats closer, ignoring his own foggy vision as he tries to get a better look at the people, to see who they are. “I─ I’m so s-sorry, I j- I-” a voice calls out from the bench ‘ _ Tubbo..? _ ’ He thinks as the blurry forms become clearer to him “It’s- it’s okay, Tubbo. We kn- we know, just─ breathe, okay?” 

There’s Tubbo, Philza, Ghostbur, Techno- ‘ _ Techno? I- I thought he was─ doesn’t everyone hate him..? _ ’ Almost everyone is there. Almost. A few aren’t there, but that’s okay. He still doesn’t understand why everyone’s here. In front of his house, surrounding and sitting on Tubbo’s and his bench. It’s... strange.

Ponk is sat with Connor, Captain Puffy, Bad, and Skeppy, the five of them huddling underneath the tree in a small circle, quietly talking about… fuck if he knows. Sam is standing to the side of them, leaning against the tree as he listens to them converse, occasionally nodding to show he’s listening.

Eret is standing to the side, her signature crown, and red cape nowhere to be seen and Tommy can’t begin to understand why. As his eyes focus better he notices that the only people who aren’t here (that he knows of) are Nihachu and Jack, there are most likely some others that Tommy just doesn’t remember─ but he doesn’t care. He still doesn’t know  _ why _ .

Tommy stays there the rest of the day, watching as everyone slowly leaves until there is only one person left; Tubbo. “Tu-Tubbo..?” He calls out, not failing to notice as the wind fails to carry his voice to Tubbo’s ears. 

He sighs, rubbing his nose with his hand as he sniffs, going to speak again until he hears Tubbo. “H-hey, Tommy..” His voice is quiet, barely reaching Tommy’s ears. He sounds sad, Tommy decides, broken even. Why? For a moment, Tommy thinks that Tubbo had heard him, that Tubbo heard him call his name, and then he remembers.  _ He’s dead _ .

So he hovers there, behind the headstone that’s placed between him and Tubbo, tears building up in his eyes once more as he watches. His eyes grow wide as Tubbo continues to talk and take out a disk from his inventory “I um─ Skeppy, he─” He notices his grip tighten on the disk, the way his voice shakes as he talks “─he gave this to-to me..The-the other week a-and─ well─ you see- fuck..” Tommy doesn’t attempt to say anything, to get Tubbo to hear him. Instead, he reaches forwards and places a hand on his cheek (knowing he can’t touch Tubbo he’s only really holding his hand as close to Tubbo’s skin as he can), having to remind himself to not place his transparent hand onto the scarred half of his face.

Tubbo’s eyes widen and Tommy takes away his hand, he doesn’t know why, just that something inside him screamed  _ no _ at his reaction. Tubbo coughs, clearing his throat before continuing “I-I meant to give this to you─ well, it was supposed to be a Christmas gift b-but─ Tommy, I─ I-I wasn’t ready t-t-to leave my-my house and so─ I couldn’t─ you understand, right, Tommy? Surely- s-surely you d-do.. You─ you always understand-” Tommy lets out a weak chuckle at his friends rambling, nodding his head even though he knows that his voice will never meet his ears “God sake, Tubbo. You’re so clingy─ ‘course I understand.”

Tommy stays there for the rest of the night, sitting on the bench and curling in on himself as he thinks. Only when Quackity later comes (to what Tommy discovers is his grave) and promises to make everyone pay does he realize why everyone was here.

“Those─ those  _ fucking assholes _ . They never gave two fucking shits about you, Tommy!” Quackity whispers (though his tone comes off as more of a yell) and tightly clenches his fists to his side. “They-they just fuckin─ they do  _ nothing _ !  _ Nothing at all _ to fucking help you in any way! Didn’t even  _ try _ when it came to you being exiled and they just─ they─  _ fuck _ !” He snaps, punching the tree next to him a

nd wincing when the bark cut through the skin on his knuckles.

“I know- I know I wasn’t the best to you either, with everything that happened with-with Schlatt─ but Tommy, I─ I made up for that. With every  _ fucking _ war I fought with you, with everything we did together I-I earned your forgiveness!” He pauses, sucking in a breath “But  _ they _ didn’t. They  _ all  _ betrayed you and then just─ they─ they think they can all just throw you a funeral and then show up as if they fucking  _ did something _ ?! It’s- it’s fucking bullshit, Tommy!”

Quackity then crouches, facing the headstone once more as he places his palm onto the soil to keep himself balanced on the uneven terrain. “But I won’t─ I won’t let them get away with this, Tommy. I won’t, I─ I will make sure _every last_ _fucking person_ that fucking hurt you _pay_ for what they did to you and I won’t fucking stop until they do.” He stands up, looking down one last time before walking away from the grave.

\---

Tommy is either sitting by the bench and hovering around the small area outside his former house or following around Tubbo or Quackity (they’re the most interesting to stalk). Tubbo because he’s his best friend, because he makes Tommy feel what he thinks is what home feels like. It isn’t necessarily a warm or welcoming feeling, or a feeling at all, but more of a sense that is almost telling him that he’s supposed to feel that way.

And as for Quackity─ Quackity’s  _ exciting _ . He’s either planning who to hurt, or even kill, next or carrying out those plans. Tommy mainly enjoys watching him carry out his plans, the way he does it with such force and determination, how he becomes more agile and precise the more he gets into it. Tommy knows he shouldn’t think of this as exciting or thrilling, that these are his friends and he should be trying to stop Quackity─ but he can’t and he’s accepted that. 

_ Tommy floated into the underground base Quackity created, hidden in the walls of the crater beneath L’Manberg, eager to find out if he had any new plans. The day went as usual, Tommy floated around the room and listened as Quackity rambled on to himself, about how he should do it and why. _

_ “Eret─ Eret betrayed them, yeah. He got their trust and then blew that trust up in their face at the first mention of getting power. Tommy trusted him and he took advantage of him.  _ He took one of Tommy’s lives, it’s only fair that I do the same to him _.” He hums, Tommy nodded whilst he listened, not in agreement but in understanding, snickering at the quiet “Sorry Fundy” that was added shortly after.  _

_ “Fundy.. Fundy  _ did _ help Tommy with getting the disks at first, but he also betrayed L’Manberg. Burned the flag, dare I need to elaborate─ he still hasn’t paid for his actions. Hmm..” Tommy raised his head when he noticed his pause, not missing the shit eating grin that was plastered onto his face “Well, I’m pretty sure he still has that precious first gunpowder of his. I mean, if that doesn’t hurt enough then I could always try and get my hands on The Drip or maybe a pet.. pull a Sapnap, even. That can always be decided later.” _

_ Quackity stepped away from the table, unknowingly passing through Tommy with a shudder, moving to a whiteboard where he picked up a pen and started writing onto it. He wrote down most of what he just said, turning it all into short bullet points like ‘Fundy no gun power then drip or pow pow a pet’.  _

_ Tommy noticed that Quackity didn’t care about being caught, he had a strong need to complete his motives and Tommy understood that.  _ But _ , when he watched him scribble ‘Tubbo’ onto the board, he froze. _

_ Tommy couldn’t hear Quackity over his own pleads and pointlessly tried to grip onto him and snap him out of it, make him change his mind. “Big Q? Bi- Bih- come on..I-I know that he- that some stuff happened and h- and- but  _ please _ , please Quackity just─ please don’t hurt him! N-no─ please-” He knew it was pointless, that his voice was never going to be heard, but he still tried. He still yelled and screamed, begging for Quackity to just  _ take his name off the list _.  _

_ But it was too late. _ _  
_ _ No matter what Tommy tried to do, no matter what he did─ _ _  
_ _ Tubbo was on his list. _

\-----

Tommy watches.    
He floated and watched as Quackity drove a trident through Dream’s middle, the poison and weakness coated tips poking out from beneath the skin of his back; as the hooked tips of the trident tore and stretched his skin when Quackity removed it, blood pooled around and seeped into the ground beneath Dream.

He watched as a sharpened hoe got swung and wedged into the side of Eret’s head with such force that he flinched, the crack made his eyes widen; as he left the same way he came in, immediately acting just as surprised as everyone else when news spread.

He watched Quackity when he hung the skin of a dead arctic fox in front of the fire that swallowed Fundy’s home, threw a pair of golden pants (that Tommy could’ve sworn he stole) and gunpowder into the mix; as he walked away from the mild explosion with a grin and blood smeared onto his face.

He watched as Quackity set fire to Sapnap’s secret base, the wails of the animals trapped inside ringing in his ears; as he blocked up the base like nothing happened and ignored the smoke that somehow found a way into the air around them.

He watched when he stalked Technoblade and Philza’s house, waiting until they were both out before burning it and its contents to the ground, knowing that even though he wanted to he wouldn’t be able to kill either of them─ let alone take Philza’s last life. (One, Technoblade would literally kill him until he was  _ dead _ , and two─ jesus fucking christ he’s OP, Quackity’s not an idiot.)

He just  _ watched _ , it’s all he could do. No one could hear him, no one could feel him- he was just  _ there _ . A ghost. An empty, numb, and cold (yet warm) silhouette of who he once was. 

He’s now hovering a few feet in front of Tubbo, nervously fiddling with his fingers as the chatter from the other people on the bench fills the air around them. He looks so peaceful beneath the heat of the sun, eyes shut and lips curling into a small smile─ Tommy thinks he’s jealous. He thinks he wants that; to be able to feel the heat of the sun on his face again instead of the continuous, numbing burn that he does. 

Knowing that this is probably the only moment where Tubbo won’t be distracted by the others around him, he reaches one of his hands forwards and holds it a little above his scarred cheek. Tommy sucks in a breath as he inches his palm closer to Tubbo’s cheek, focusing on caressing his cheek and not phasing through his body. 

Tommy’s eyes widen as he notices Tubbo’s slight reaction to his ‘touch’, the way he moves his head closer and flinches when Tommy’s hand phases through him. “Tubbo? O-oh, Tubbo─ please- just hear me  _ please _ ! Get up and  _ go _ . Run. Please, Tubbo─ hear me and just fuckin’  _ go _ !” 

Tubbo’s eyes open and he takes his hand away, flinching away from him and holding his breath. That feeling returns as Tubbo looks right past him then to his left after Dream got his attention “Fuck..” he mutters as he sinks to the floor at the edge of the cliff and looks at them all, at who he once called family.

He stops trying to reach out to Tubbo after a while, instead focusing on taking in the sunset and scene around him. He’s seen it before, every year on his birthday (and occasionally on the day he died) at least Tubbo and Dream show up, place something besides his headstone, and talk. 

He’s never listened to their conversations, not even when Technoblade, Phil, or Ghostbur were there. He’s never had a reason to.

A couple of hours pass and the sun is slowly setting, one person remaining at the bench like every other year. 

“Tubbo?” He floats towards him, waving a hand in front of his face in another sad attempt to get his attention. “He’ll─ he’ll be here soon! Pl-please, Tubbo, Big T─ my man-!” His voice strains slightly as a breeze passes through him.

Tubbo looks over at his headstone and Tommy passes through him in a desperate attempt to grab onto his arm.    
Tubbo’s expression shifts as he eyes the gifts and Tommy tries again, this time reaching to grab onto the back of his shirt “Tubbo, please!” he falls forwards, passing through the ground slightly as he trips.   
Tommy forces himself up again as Tubbo reaches into his inventory and takes out a disk, ignoring the footsteps that grew closer. “You fuckin’ dick’ead, fucking listen to me!” He hasn’t used his voice since his last trip to the Nether, since he found a screaming post to let out his ‘emotions’ oh so long ago. 

_ Tommy was aimlessly floating around the Nether, trying to feel the warmth against his ‘skin’ one more time. Trying to feel human; feel alive. _

_ But he isn’t and will never be again.  _

_ He found a small edge, it’s not too far away from the Nether portal but far enough away that he won’t get distracted or seen by anyone if they’re suddenly able to see him. _

_ Not even Ghostbur could see him so he doubts it. _

_ Tommy stood on the edge, sucked in a long breath that he didn’t need to, and screamed. He screamed and screamed until he couldn’t, until his throat felt raw and burned. _

_ But that never came. Because Tommy is a ghost and he is  _ dead _ ; because Tommy can’t feel anymore and he hasn’t been able to since he felt the scorching warmth of the lava swallow him whole and burn him to a crisp.  _

Tubbo places the disk down onto the headstone and Tommy can’t even bat an eye, can’t get himself to appreciate the gift as he hears the familiar  _ creak _ and  _ click _ of a crossbow being loaded “Big─ Big Q, pl-please, no.. just─ h-hey! Please, don’t- don’t take him too. Please, I-I-I know but─” his words fall short as he hears Tubbo talking to the headstone as if he knew Tommy was there.

“Here you go, pal. Finally, you have the most powerful weapon on the server.” Tommy turns around and watches as Tubbo stands up and looks down at the disk amongst the other objects. He floats towards him, wrapping his arms around his middle in a last attempt to move him, to make him see Quackity.

“Copyright claim. Happy birthday, To─”

Tubbo’s body falls and passes through Tommy’s arms, landing with a  _ thud _ . Said arms lower as he stands there, looking at the lifeless body of his best friend. A simple, empty “Tubbo” is all he can mutter as he watches the blood pour out from the side of his head and seep into the grass beneath it, staining it red.

“Happy birthday, Tommy.”

He just nods at the voice, swallowing as he listens.

“I know─ it-it’s taken me a while and I’m sorry. But I did it! I’ve─ I’ve finally done it!” Tommy can’t turn around, he can’t bring himself to look at the crazed look in his eyes that he knows shouldn’t be there. “I─ I killed Eret and got back at her for what he did to you in the control room, for what he did to  _ everyone _ .” He knows. “I managed to kill Dream! I- I fucking drove that trident straight through that green piece of shit!” He knows. “I- I got Sapnap back for Henry, burned the shit’s  _ secret _ base to the ground with all his fuckin’ pets inside─” He knows “ ‘Same to Fundy, Phil, and Techno─ man, if- if I knew arson was this fun I would’ve done it sooner!” He knows. He knows because he was  _ right there _ . “A-and now-!” Tommy can hear as his tone shifts, as his crazed voice turns cold, heartless, as it shakes with each word he says. “I fucking  _ killed _ the little shit that exiled you in the first place. I drove an arrow straight through that tiny little fucking head of his and made him  _ fucking pay _ for what he did. For going against the plan. For─”   
  
If Tommy was an idiot he would have thought that Quackity did it all for Tommy, that he did all of that with such  _ emotion _ all for him─ but he isn’t so he doesn’t. He knows it’s more than that, maybe not the exact reason, but he knows that Quackity’s been hurting, that whilst he’s avenging Tommy (in his own way) he’s also getting his own revenge.

His voice falls deaf to Tommy’s ears as he lets himself float over to the bench and hover above it, a memory of a simpler time with Tubbo playing on a loop in his head. 

_ “Hey, Tommy- look! A bee!” _

_ “Little scrappy lookin’, ain’t he?” _

_ “Aaa, they’re so cute! I’m going to call themmmm..” _

_ “Please not something stupid─” _

_ “Spins!” _

_ “PFFT─ AAHAHA! SPINS? TUBBO Y- I-” _

_ “Ignore him, Spins. He’s one of those people that would name their kids after themself.” _

_ “WH- HEY! THE FUCK IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?!” _

Tommy chuckles at the memory, remembering the way Tubbo hushed him before running away with Spins which led to one of his fondest memories; finding the field with Tubbo. It wasn’t anything too big or extreme, but it was far enough away and big enough for them to build an emergency house on the outskirts of it next to a pond.

He doesn’t know how long it’s been since Tubbo's died, but he knows that Quackity left long enough ago for the moon to be directly above him now. Not knowing what he’s waiting for he continues to sit there, having already accepted the fact that earlier was the last time he will see his best friend. But he isn’t sad. He isn’t hurt─ he can’t be and part of him is grateful whilst another feels as if he should be grieving right now. That he should be on his knees, screaming and crying, because his best friend is  _ dead _ and he’ll never see him again.

“Fuckin’ stupid ghost shit.” He grumbles as he crosses his arms over his chest.

“T-tommy..?”

Tommy doesn’t bat an eye at the voice, he’s sitting next to his own grave so for all he knows they’re just talking to that. But, of course, the voice continues “Tommy? Is- is that─ can you h-” and he interrupts it, begrudgingly turning his head to the side “Oh for fucks sake, Tubbo’s fucking dead body is _right_ _there_ a─” He loses track of what he’s saying as his eyes meet the figure that hovers beside the tree that they planted all that time ago.

He has brown, well kept (apart from a few strands that poke out here and there) hair, an arrow pierces his head, the tail of it perched at an angle on the right side of his forehead whilst the head pokes out just beneath his left eye. He’s wearing a long sleeve, green button-up that looks like he got ready in a rush, dark blue (closer to black) denim shorts, and a pair of black/brown worn-out cargo boots. Bright blue eyes are replaced with a cloudy blue, and the scars that once covered his body are gone (a small, flower-looking pattern replacing the one that covered his cheek).

“Tubbo? Yo- you ca-” Tommy stumbles over his words as he looks over at the ghost of his best friend, all this time watching from a distance and you would’ve thought he’d have something to say. 

He notices as tears are starting to build up in the other's eyes, soon rolling down his cheeks and staining them..red? He doesn’t know. He doesn’t know and he can’t tell.  _ He can’t tell. He- _

Tubbo can see him. 

Tubbo can see him and he’s standing  _ right there _ ─

“Wilbur should’ve stayed president.” 

Tommy blinks, mouth hanging open slightly and he listens.

“We shouldn’t have gone to war.”   
“We shouldn’t have played Cl-  _ Dream’s _ games.”   
“We─”    
“We shouldn’t have thrown away our childhoods, Tommy. I- I’m so s─”

“Don’t apologize, Tubzo” He has a small smile on his face as he pats Tubbo’s spot on the bench next to him, gesturing for him to come to sit (which he does). “Yeah─ yeah, shit sucks- we’re both fucking dead. Lost all three of our lives way too damn early, but that’s fine.” Tommy sucks in a breath, holding it in for a moment before exhaling. “We’re fine.” It’s pointless, he knows, but he likes the slight comfort he gets from it. “I’ve been here the entire time, not- not with you per se, but─ every time you were here, I was as well a-and..

I forgive you, Tubbo.”

Tubbo is silent, cheeks stained a red that is too dark to be natural, faded eyes wide in disbelief “I-I─.. I always had a feeling that, that y’know- that someone could hear me, that  _ you _ could hear me, but I- I was always with other people so I just… well, I ignored the feeling.” “‘course you did, dick’ead. And to think that ‘Mr. Paranormal’ fuckin’ ignored his ghosty senses” Tommy chuckles, eyes still clouded with pain but now also carrying the reflection of who he didn’t know was stopping him from leaving, from joining his brother (not some happy little ghost of him) in what he guesses is hell. Tubbo doesn’t laugh, only continues to cry with a new-found light in his eyes. “Yeah─ yeah.. Can’t believe it myself”

They don’t leave, instead, they just sit there in silence. 

Tubbo is hovering above the bench, tears flowing down his cheeks as he silently cries. He looks to his left, eyes landing on the silhouette of his best friend “W-we should have run away t-to our shed in the woods, our escape- our plan two, when we had the chance.”

Tommy smiles, Cat preventing the silence that threatens to fill the air around them. “Huh” a quiet chuckle rose from his throat, eyes scanning over the ghost of his best friend as he reaches his hand out (ignoring the quiet “Clingyinnit” he  _ knows _ Tubbo said when he took his hand) “Yeah- yeah, we should have.” he doesn’t know when Cat started playing but can only guess that he just hadn’t realized until now. 

They both ignore the cold body on the floor beside them, its blood being soaked into the ground beneath them from the ravine-like crack in its head. Hand in hand they look out at the nation in front of them. 

“Is it- do you think it’s too late to run away, Tommy?” Tubbo asks, sniffing as he feels the tears continue to flow down his cheeks. “Can w- can we run away to our shed?” His voice is shaky, hands trembling as the same homesick feeling he got when he first lost Tommy returns, inking its way into his nerves.

A scream echoes from behind them, neither of them turning around to go see why they’re screaming or who it is- they already know.

Tommy closes his eyes, a sigh passing his lips as he hovers closer to him. He smiles, placing a comforting hand on Tubbo’s trembling, giving his answer to the question that he wishes either of them asked before any of this happened “Ye- yeah, Tubbo. Yeah, let’s- let’s run away.”

He gives Tubbo’s hand a gentle squeeze, not missing the frown that crosses Tubbo’s face when there’s no warmth -no touch- accompanying the action. They start making their way away from everyone, Tommy now deciding to be more talkative as a white light slowly begins to engulf the two, taking their lighthearted banter and warm voices away from the cold, merciless world they were forced to live in.

\--------

A god sits by a pond, smiling to himself as he tears up small pieces of bread and chucks them into the pond, one by one, giggling and saying “Hello!” when a fish pops up to eat it. “Funny little guy” he chuckles to himself, voice just above a whisper as to not disturb the wilderness around him. 

He found this place not too long ago, originally he had set off to L’Manberg, but this place caught his eyes sooner. A simple cottage? shack? on the outskirts of a small field where bees buzzed, fish swam, and birds chirped. Flowers are scattered along the grass, not in a way that looked annoyingly fake─ but in a beautiful way, in a way where blues and oranges were placed together and contrasting one another above the green grass. 

He’s heard tales, though. From another god (who abandoned the simple mask and hoodie that he had gotten oh-so used to seeing) and his husband (who makes the best ice cream and tells the funniest jokes) that are mostly about two boys, Tommy and Tubbo, both around 16 when everything started. They’re dead, died too soon. It seems touchy so he doesn’t ask further questions. Apparently, this was going to be their home, explains the names carved above the head of both beds, signifying who's who's (apparently he’s been sleeping in Tubbo’s for the past two months).

He hears tales of a god that got greedy, and a father who left.    
Tales of a man with his guitar who took his last breath.    
A nation built on drugs, in a van that is no more.    
A guitarist who lost a friend, a friend that craved more.    
Boys that can’t remember, a boy that wishes to forget.    
Tales of a man that is silent and a girl who visited a friend.    
A man with glasses who no longer smiles;   
Friends with the man whose house is on fire.

  
A man with a crown who can’t help but regret   
regret what he’s done, the button that he pressed.   
A husband without a dad, who’s family is no more,   
and boy split in two who wishes to be whole.   
A financé that sits alone, three rings in his hands.   
  
Half man, half boar, who’s painted red with war.   
Nation gone up in flames with a water-filled crater taking its place.   
  
Two women that stand alone, matching rings on their fingers.   
Reminiscing about a time of a pirate and a singer,   
Telling tales of an adventure, singing melodies of time.   
Two women that cry alone, lost between lies.

“Why is it so sad?” He asks the fish as it pops up once more, he isn’t expecting a response but rather speaking out his mind is more comforting than keeping it in. 

“Because the world isn’t fair, but- hey, it’s the one we live in” A voice answers from behind him and he smiles, turning around and giving them a wide smile “Quackity, hello! I didn’t think you’d make it!” His voice is soft as he scoots over and makes room for his friend.   
  
“What? C’mon, man! You should know me better than to miss out on hanging out with you, Foolish!” His eyes land onto a thin, golden chain around his neck that’s weaved through two rings, but doesn’t comment on it. The god knows his boundaries with his new-found friend and would rather not overstep them. “You’re right, you’re right, we all have our doubts though!” The other opens his mouth to speak, but quickly gets interrupted as he continues “Did- did you manage to give Karl what I gave you?” His voice is soft and Quackity nods.

Foolish sighs in relief, a slight tingle traveling along his spine “Let’s hope that he can help do it right next time, even if it isn’t  _ our _ timeline- I’d rather sleep at night knowing that well- somewhere out there, you’re all living a better life─” He pauses, wrapping a comforting arm around the blood-stained man sitting next to him and passing him some bread to throw for the fishes “the one you should be living.”

Foolish is a god but he’ll never truly know of the pain and the bloodshed that has stained this, once beautiful, SMP red. Not the shade of red you’ll see on a flower, or the kind that makes you think of red velvet cake, the kind that makes your stomach churn and reminds you of old cars, that were once roaring with life, laying dormant and covered in mold and rust.

Quackity, Dream, and Fundy will tell him stories and he’ll write them down. No matter how long, how heartbreaking, he writes them down into different books so that one day, when everything is over and done, someone may find them and tell tales of L’Manberg, of the nation built by two brothers with a dream. Sometimes the stories overlap, sometimes he gets answers and other times he’s left with questions. But, that doesn’t matter, he doesn’t need to ask questions because sooner or later they’ll get answered with another story. 

“Hey, Foolish?” Quackity asks, Foolish nods “Want to hear another story?” His voice is soft and he listens, shark tail tapping the grass behind him and golden ears perking as he begins “Alright, Foolish, prepare yourself to hear about how Mexican L’Manberg became El Rápids!”

A tale of four men with a dream, and a crown with two kings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my god─ finally!! I am finished(almost)!!  
> I'm so sorry this took so long :( I kept changing the ending and school and just eeee, but hey!! It's done now!! I know it may be a little rushed or all over the place, but I just really wanted to get this finished and out of the way so I could focus on other things (some are other works, some aren't) but anyway, I hope you enjoyed!  
> Originally I had a really bad ending planned out where Tommy basically just says no <3 to Tubbo and just─ eee, it isn't pog :) and after everything on the SMP I needed some form of clingyduo fluff LMAO
> 
> I love the GhostInnit concept and this was basically my take on it, it just would've been a lot better if I had finished back when it was hype lolol, but I like the ending I finally got to so idm too much. Funny enough, I actually got inspired to write this after listening to way too many found family based songs and watching clips of Tommy & Tubbo from back before all the recent stuff on the smp and just chose angst LOLOL
> 
> Anyways yeah, honestly─ thank you so so much for reading and leaving your comments, this has been genuinely pog to write and the feedback/support I get in the comments is amazing and just─ eeee tyty (yes, even the comments where you're saying something like 'ouchie', yes I see you and I love you, I feed off of your pain. Have a cookie)
> 
> Expect more posts sometime in the future :) Thank you sm <3

**Author's Note:**

> This is all just fanfiction and not canon to the DSMP lore, I'm but a weird ass child with some wack ass ideas LMAO I'm very sorry if you read this but also ty it means a lot :) I apologise if it's all over the place and really ooc LOLOL I'm working on it I swear


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